Bean There Done That!

waking up hurts... unless breakfast is cooking

2011-10-18T13:57:00.000+01:00

I've been praying lately for the people around me to be awakened... to have their eyes be opened. I recently went to a prayer conference in Germany and, though there were some kick ass speakers there, two of the most random moments stick out to me...

One was after a long day. Charl Young (i.e. old house mate, good friend, shameless dreamer) and I were sitting in the lobby of a typical German youth hostel talking about expectations and current life issues, when in breezed Mike Mawhinney (i.e. husband's old house mate, nurse, and recent sheesha smoker) and in the course of 5 minutes I found myself saying "I don't pray for revival"...

Fast-forward to the next day when Brian Heasley was introducing the new couple (Abby and Charlie) that would be taking over for the 24-7 Ibiza Boiler Room Community. Lots of great spiritual things were said, but the moment Abby leaned over and said her prayer in and for Ibiza was "God I am jealous for more in my time" my ears perked up.

One week later. Back in Colchester. Getting back to the preverbal "grind". I find myself entering prayer space with the words of Abby's prayer burning on my heart. These words pounded on my heart begging me to pray for revival, but then like an annoying freckled-faced bully from school I would see my twisted 'German-hostel-lobby-face' saying, "I don't pray for revival".

Its not that I don't want the love, knowledge and acceptance of Jesus to spread wildly through out this world... its just that I've heard of revival... no... I've heard of revivalS... and they just don't seem sustainable. They come as quickly as they go and leave in their path nothing more then old stories of other times and other places.

But what about his time? What about this place!?!?!? I want change to came... God I pray that it comes swiftly, but I want it to come and LAST... from Age to Age.

How can I pray Abby's prayer to be jealous for God to do more in my time and also not pray for the type of revival that crashes lower then it ever went high?

I don't know, but lately I find myself praying a prayer that says I am jealous for more in my time... followed by a plea for my town, my people, my neighborhood to be awakened. For their eyes and ears to be opened to see and hear what has been around them all along. But more and more I am realizing how uncomfortable waking up is.

Every morning I hear an annoying alarm, the sting of the morning sunlight hits my eyes, and the cold hands of the morning air send shivers down my spin. I hate waking up. Today as I laid in bed wishing the wakeful world away... I remembered the prayers I have been saying for my town, neighborhood, and people to be "awakened"... I scrunched my face...

Why would I pray for anyone to have to experience the torture of waking up... I wouldn't wish it on an enemy... would I?

In my half awake, half asleep self I tried to remember just one morning I really enjoyed waking up... it was hard at first because my brain was so set in thinking that being awakened was simply torture... but slowly I started to remember happy times waking up... the smell of my dad's coffee brewing in the morning, or the smell of my mom's famous cinnamon rolls wafting into my bedroom, or Christmas morning when I knew there were gifts to be opened, or the days I had made plans with friends to go on grand adventures, or the recent mornings when I woke up because my husband was rubbing my back and giving me kisses...

I guess there were lots of times I wanted to wake up, was excited, and found the experience comfortable, enjoyable, inspiring and lovely.

I mean, the very idea of people coming awake, being alive, being revived... hmmm

Maybe as I am jealous for God to do more in my time I do pray for revival... but not a hyped up, one season of life type of revival, but the kind that starts with a generation being coxed to wake up...

I realized I can try and wake up the people around me harshly with annoying alarms, cold showers, and blinding righteous sunlight...

Or I could consider compassion... and as I pray for an awakening for this generation maybe I should consider putting on the morning coffee, turning up the bedroom heat, baking some tummy grumbling cinnamon rolls, and gently rubbing backs and giving loving kisses....

Maybe then we would see a revival spread through out the land... the kind that last from age to age... the kind that awakens a generation with a smile and joy-overflowing.

Now that kind of revival I totally pray for!

Guest Post from Meet-Up CEO via my email inbox: Powerful 9/11 Community Story

2011-09-11T16:34:00.002+01:00

* Meet up is a powerful networking website that helps people interested in any variety of topic(s)
actually get off the internet and meet each other in their local community. I find it really worthwhile....
check it out if you don't know what it is about... then read this inspirational post their CEO just
emailed out!

http://www.meetup.com/

Fellow Meetuppers,

I don't write to our whole community often, but this week is
special because it's the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and many
people don't know that Meetup is a 9/11 baby.

Let me tell you the Meetup story. I was living a couple miles
from the Twin Towers, and I was the kind of person who thought
local community doesn't matter much if we've got the internet
and tv. The only time I thought about my neighbors was when I
hoped they wouldn't bother me.

When the towers fell, I found myself talking to more neighbors
in the days after 9/11 than ever before. People said hello to
neighbors (next-door and across the city) who they'd normally
ignore. People were looking after each other, helping each
other, and meeting up with each other. You know, being
neighborly.

A lot of people were thinking that maybe 9/11 could bring
people together in a lasting way. So the idea for Meetup was
born: Could we use the internet to get off the internet -- and
grow local communities?

We didn't know if it would work. Most people thought it was a
crazy idea -- especially because terrorism is designed to make
people distrust one another.

A small team came together, and we launched Meetup 9 months
after 9/11.

Today, almost 10 years and 10 million Meetuppers later, it's
working. Every day, thousands of Meetups happen. Moms Meetups,
Small Business Meetups, Fitness Meetups... a wild variety of
100,000 Meetup Groups with not much in common -- except one
thing.

Every Meetup starts with people simply saying hello to
neighbors. And what often happens next is still amazing to me.
They grow businesses and bands together, they teach and
motivate each other, they babysit each other's kids and find
other ways to work together. They have fun and find solace
together. They make friends and form powerful community. It's
powerful stuff.

It's a wonderful revolution in local community, and it's thanks
to everyone who shows up.

Meetups aren't about 9/11, but they may not be happening if it
weren't for 9/11.

9/11 didn't make us too scared to go outside or talk to
strangers. 9/11 didn't rip us apart. No, we're building new
community together!!!!

The towers fell, but we rise up. And we're just getting started
with these Meetups.

Scott Heiferman (on behalf of 80 people at Meetup HQ)
Co-Founder & CEO, Meetup
New York City
September 2011

2011-09-08T10:35:00.003+01:00

Needless to say its been busy. save spending a million characters explaining all that has happened to me sense July I will just say that I've successfully relocated to the UK and gotten married... and married life rocks!!!

Steve (my new hubby) and I have joined a prayer community here called Colchester Boiler Room. After our wedding I've pretty much just slowly eased myself into the Colchester or 'Chester-ville' (as I like to call it) lifestyle.

The hardest part of this transition has been the slowing down. There is something about being in community that slows you down about 100%. All of the sudden my skills that got me through days of working full-time, being in graduate school full time, volunteering with my church leadership team, helping organize a local community, and being engaged/planning an international wedding... just didn't seem to matter.

It's as if the people here function by a different code of survival. And man do they utilize the spiritual gift of lingering. By the end of my first week I was so frustrated with how little was accomplished each day that I just sunk into an attitude of reclusion. I figured if going out was going to result in so little being accomplished then I might as well stay in.

That didn't help matters either.

Days seem so long. Nights even longer.

Who knew facebook had an actual limit to how much time I could spend on there??

So after I refreshed my facebook and twitter pages for the millionth time I decided maybe trying things a different way might be better.

So I woke up one morning and did something I haven't done in ages... I only put two things into my diary for the day.

1. Go visit Colchester Boiler Room

2. Read Red Moon Rising

My day was amazing. I had time for people. Suddenly I was hearing peoples stories. I was able to settling into the life that was around me AND ENJOY IT! That odd guilt sensation of feeling rushed or that I had to get to my next meeting was gone and there was just this comfortable sense of being.

I was reminded of this book I had read "Radical Hospitality" by this Benedictine monk. He had reminded his audience that living a lifestyle of simplicity didn't just mean wearing a straw hat, carrying a pitch-fork, and making lots of bread... but it also meant simplifying your life schedule by actually scheduling in space for nothing.

In just the last couple of weeks those spaces of nothing have been the times that I have most genuinely experience the community and relationships I so long for. All the sudden I'm wondering, What if while I live here I make it my goal to do more nothing?

haha as a good friend sat on couch in my brand-new honeymooning flat and said "Remember Tina, its quality not quantity".... my newly married, newly communal, and newly Chester-ville self would have to agree! wink wink....

hello single digits

2011-07-30T08:58:00.003+01:00

Ahhh something about moving countries and planning a wedding just gets in the way of my 'blogging time'. It has been an amazing and different journey that is for sure. To some extent it doesn't quite feel real yet. I am still living out of my suit cases and every three to four day I am moving from one place to the next.

You would think with all this time on my hands I would be getting a bit bored, but its stupid-crazy how one little list of wedding errands can become a Mount Everest of list in just a few moments. Its always a challenge to when normal privileges you are used to are brutally taken away... like the ease and freedom to jump in a car and drive (I'm cursing myself right now for reaching the ripe old age of 27 and still not knowing how to drive a manual car... epic fail on my part!).

However, something that constantly adds joy to my day is the few times I get to prep my new little flat for life with my Stevie. I really just love getting things that are going to make our place just nice to live in... I think i might be domesticating myself (well at least I thought that until the other day when I tried to make some toast and burnt it so bad our flat smelled like sulfur for three days!)

All in all I just want to be married. Steve's little sister Hannah has pretty much given up her life to be my little wedding planning assistant. Every day we have run around doing errands, making signs, planning games, crossing off lists. She always stays positive and the few times that I have wanted to curl up in the fetal position and cry she has been the person that just keeps me laughing and full of warm tea.

England is different then America. There are certain things I just am used to being able to have that are harder to come by here... But in the same breath England has some pretty amazing things that are just uber hard to come by in America (I'm loving the gluttony of beans on toast, amazing cookies, and endless pasties!)

My family arrives in just three more days. I COULDN'T BE MORE PLEASED! I've missed them dearly and can't wait to have hugs with them, late night conversations, and adventures exploring my new hometown of Colchester. I mostly can't wait to have them there on my wedding day, praying over me, giving me hugs, and supporting me as I vow my love and my life to Steve Lawton, the best man I have ever met!

I'm looking into possibly finding a way to live feed the wedding on some crazy website... i will post it via my twitter, blog, and fb if i find something that is easy and assessable. Until then just know the wedding prep and planning is color-ishis, crazy-lushous, and glitter-ific!

xxx

what is truth?

2011-06-28T15:05:00.004+01:00

Its popular in church pioneer efforts and emergent churches to really want to" stick it to the man"... maybe a better way to say it is, a deep desire to let go of the institutional way church has settled into western society.

as churches perfect the "business of church" pastors become CEO's, elders become "board members", and the church community becomes "members" or "consumers".

so how do new church expressions break away from this cycle?

that has been the topic of conversation at my local church "Scum of the Earth". For those of you who don't know, Scum of the Earth Seattle is a church plant from the Scum of the Earth Denver church that was started by the punk band Five Iron Frenzy.

I don't really know much more about the church history, other then there is deep recoil from systems, structures, and the idea of an organize or institutionalized religion. Sounds good doesn't it? Especially if you find yourself a post-modern baby that has grown to love the art of "hating" or put more PC "the art of deconstruction".

But really where does this leave the development of the church? Over the last 6(ish) months I have been very honored to sit in on some meetings as my loyal, passionate, and young church leaders started wrestling with developing the growth of their church.

As hour meetings turned into two hour long, and then 3 hour long meetings...As planning sessions were labeled "to be continued".... I began to wonder about this new way of being...

in the long of it all... you know what we came to find? we hate "titles" and "labels"...

so you know what we did... we labeled titles "non-title" labels and now we hold our breath and wonder if it will make a difference...

Instead of a Lead Pastor, or Assistant Pastor, or a Music Director... we opted more to refer to our leaders by their names and then a "talk to me if you are interested in worship, prayer, etc" describing what they knew or did through the chrurch. (Scum of the Earth Denver).

I'll go with it if it going to make a difference, but i hesitate a bit.... the only reason for my hesitation is I don't get "pretending" to be something different... when really the same structure as before is being used, just different clothes are being put on?

Then I wonder if my attitude is more shaped by the culture I live in or am I letting the culture I live in shape me? I don't know. Trying to be a church and trying to be different is hard... just as hard as it was back when the first churches were being born. Our struggles are the same (we just blog about them now instead of staying up all night throwing ashes on our head in prayer and lamenting).

All this is to ask? is there a good structure for church? should leaders be known in that structure? does putting people "in charge" only herald the days of institution and the heresy of empty religion?

As my church leaders wrapped another meeting and put the dot dot dot out until our next gathering I just tried to stay centered on our one connecting point that churches should model Family and that each family is an intentional community.

I also ran into a church that had organized "small groups" or "discipleship groups" that referred to themselves as being a part of a sonships and daughterships (playing off Jesus call for us to following him as disciples and sons and daughters).... I like the sounds of these and will bring them to my next church meeting as we try and find title for our "leaders" and small groups that represent family and also give everyone in our church community a sense of belonging and involvement...

what types of title are in your church? what is your church model?

The Real "The Only Way Is Essex" - Totally Essex

2011-06-23T15:18:00.000+01:00

This is just a bit of a fun introduction to something that makes me laugh really hard ... and also makes moving to England just something that makes me smile!

:D long live THE ONLY WAY IS ESSEX: SO REEM!

foot tattoo

2011-06-19T10:17:00.003+01:00

I wont post a picture because it wont do my tattoo justice. you will have to see it in person, but let me just say I am so excited to share this new bit of ink with you all face to face when we meet.

Last summer Steve got to come and stay with me for a whole 7 weeks. We spent the first 5 week loving that we had time and space to just be best friends together. At the end of the 5th I woke up on a Friday morning to Steve telling me he had a whole adventure day planned for us. I put on a bright red sun dress and latched my favorite golden elephant necklace around my neck.

Steve and I spent the most gorgeous day together chasing adventures and laughing. By the end of that day Steve asked me to marry him and I was over joyed to say yes.... In turn, I haven't taken that golden elephant necklace off sense.

I often find myself gently twisting that necklace back and forth as I remember all the times Steve and I have shared and also getting lost in the anticipation of what is to come (only 19 more days to go in America). That necklace has definitely been a part of my last two years.

One of my most favorite things to do is get a tattoo before I leave a place. It just is a way I have come to solidify my memories of the people and place during that part of my journey. I knew I wanted a tattoo before I left Seattle because this has been such a time of discovery, lessons learned, love grown, dreams born.

Today (well yesterday now), I got my Seattle memory. I had a few really good friends that joined me and we went down to a tattoo shop in pioneer square. (Don't worry we did our research and knew this artist was amazing).

My one friend sat first... and hour and a half later she was a proud owner of a Celtic heart symbol on her middle lower back. Then it was my turn. The artist had done an impressive job taking the inspiration of my golden elephant necklace and forming it into an impressive piece of art work. As she gently laid the stencil on the tops of both my feet, my insides were rushing with excitement.

My artist Heidi was so clever and amazingly talented! One of the best experience of this was how involved she let me be in the process. She let me give my opinion on the style and even let me pick out my favorite colors from her set of inks.

An hour later I was biting my lip in the worst pain I had ever felt! They were not crapping around when they said foot tattoos were intense. I knew it was bad because when the tattoo artist asked me about how I fell in love with Steve all I could muster was "I love him very much".

Two hours later we had one foot done and another stencil on my foot. With all the strength I could muster she started in on the second foot... now that WAS WORST! All I could do was think "breath... breath"...

But another hour and a half later my second foot was done. I could barely stand, as my leg muscles were shaking from clenching so hard for the last 3 and a half hours...

IT WAS THE BEST TIME EVER!

Actually, is was pretty bad, but the moment Heidi, my tattoo artist, said "Your all done"... and I looked down at the most beautiful bit of art work that now is as much a part of me as my journey has been, I knew that it was all worth it... that all that pain, and clenching, and whispering of prayers had formed a breath-taking and colorful work of art, ON MY FEET...

As we got home and made fantastic fruity drinks, the numb-pain feeling gradually absorbed into my feet. As I sat with my legs propped in the air loving and paining over what I had just done... I had to smile to myself a little at how much this tattoo really is a beautiful symbol of these last two years....

How some of the most painful times of these last two years has really shaped me as a person... I know my tattoo is mostly just a normal girl's funny idea of pretty, but in my tattoo moment, where pain and beautiful kissed so gently I thought... "This was so worth it".... and i really thought that... not just about my tattoo but about all that I have been through these last two years. All the airport good-byes, nights spent praying alone, confusion, dreams being changed, friends getting hurt, learning how to love more, thinking deeply, questioning more, writing endless papers, missing Steve until my heart felt like it was physically broking in two, crying because I missed another two Christmas' with my family.. all that pain that in the moment I thought was just down right ugly pain... it actually was the beautiful strokes of art being born... I couldn't see it so much then... and to be honest I think I have some more painful strokes before this art work is done... but I'm starting to see the picture... the colors... the art of what is happening...

Now to heal quickly so I can enjoy this beauty being born from pain... :D

can't wait to show you my Seattle Journey Tattoo!

will you jump!!?!?

2011-06-14T12:08:00.003+01:00

http://weheartit.com/entry/10330799

the power of words

2011-06-13T11:56:00.002+01:00

http://weheartit.com:8080/entry/10747584

Skill share #3 - #40

2011-06-06T02:41:00.004+01:00

so I haven't forgot about this. I've actually had a lot of cool conversations about people's skills and also just took some time to think of all my friends/family/co-workers/ and thought what they are good at (weather they know it or not) and then thought about what it would be like if we all agreed to share what we are good at with each other... wouldn't that help us learn how to get by in this world with less... BUT MORE!

take a look at the list... I hope that it inspires people to realize their skills and to encourage others to see their skills and then motives us all to share them more regularly with each other and not just keep them hidden away with in ourselves!

Keep urban living stock (chickens)
Making soap
Making Jam!!
Playing a musical instrument or teaching a musical instrument
Making noodles
Teaching lessons about sex-trafficking intervention
Learning to plant a herb garden/indoor garden
hair cuts
family/friend photographic portraits
Riding trains/being a traveler kids
How to publish a journal article
Leading interactive prayer nights
Creativity lessons
Tips for including refugees in the community
Hosting a clothing swap
Building a fire
Learning a foreign language
Caroling
Bell ringing
Writing poetry
Scrap booking
Social media (twiters, blogs, facebook, meetup, etc)
Organizing community meals
Leading discussion on the story of God (a.k.a bible story)
Learning how to listen
Building an urban shelter
Dumpster diving
Recycling/composting
Fishing
Leading nature walks
Giving city tours
Culture dinner restaurant tours
Counseling
Life coaching
Patching clothes
Button making
Witling
Fitness classes (aerobic, yoga, walking, running clubs, tennis, soccer, Frisbee)
Short story writing group
Cleaning

did this list make you think of a skill you have always wanted to learn or that you are good at? let me know what it is... i am still determined to collect as many of these as possible!

skillshare#2

2011-06-01T05:20:00.002+01:00

2. making soap!

* I never thought about this idea.... but what an interesting skill this would be to have and share!

does anyone know how to do this??

Skillshare #1

2011-05-30T23:41:00.002+01:00

Keeping Chickens in the City... aka Urban livstocking!

the benefits include: social animal, little friends, an egg a day, chicken (tho i don't recommend this! kill your pet! but at least you know it was raised healthy!), poop good for garden, helps the environment, teaches responsibility.

the drawback: you have to buy feed (and then feed then feed them daily), they might eat other garden plants, you need a fenced in area/yard/coop, you have to pick up/move poop...

other then this its a pretty good idea and a skill worthy of having... now to talk matt stewart into leading a chicken raising skillshare!!!!!!! i am a looking at his face right now... DO IT!!

40 days to collect 40 skills of 40 incredible people?

2011-05-30T10:26:00.006+01:00

I am trying to understand what people consider skills? My church is talking about making a regular space where people can come and share their skills with others. I feel like most are eager for this space, yet when I ask people "what skill do you have? what will you do?" most people get oddly quiet and even distant. As if they are scared to either A) say what they are skilled at or B) are petrified to actually use their skill in front of others.

Why is this? I realized within 20 min of talking with people... trying to get them to share their skills with me... that I am going to have to be a collector of skills, so that in a moment I can get people to realize they have skills and then in a diverse and unique way encourage them to use their skills for the benefit, of not just themselves, but others...

i love it... us all bringing what we are good at or what we know together to try and help each other live life more fully and productively! skillshare! what a great idea!

If your community was going to put together a skillshare what would people have to offer?

Can I collect your skill, tell others about it, and hopefully inspire others to use their skills to help others grow?

don't be offended if i harass you over the next couple of days as I try and post 40 skills that ultimately will help people live life not just better individually but better collectively in an effort to love God, care for the earth, love others, and take the gospels to the nation...

in other words just another way to try and redefine my love for building community!

ask the owl!

2011-05-29T11:12:00.003+01:00

world smallest post!

2011-05-27T10:09:00.003+01:00

ran across this the other day and loved the creative energy it brings... i just love mini things!!

check it out... you wont be disappointed!

http://www.leafcutterdesigns.com/shop/wsps/about.html

pretty vs messy bride?

2011-05-26T05:35:00.003+01:00

The days move me closer and closer to my wedding day. Like any girl, I find this one of the most exciting most anticipated days of my life. However as the days move closer and closer and I spend more and more time trying to organize the day that is suppose to be "the most memorable day of my life"... I started subconsciously taking on all these weird pressures that I haven't let bother me in years.

It was weird how I started marking beauty more by the style of my dress, the size of my body, and the awareness of name brand accessories. I started comparing myself more then I have in years to what the world says is pretty. This planted and nurtured a panic state of fear that like grew like Seymour's Venus fly trap and started to swallow my sense of sanity and contentment.

All climaxed yesterday when I felt so unpretty and un "ready" to be that beautiful bride that I ran out in a panic to see if I could fix myself. The horrible feeling at the end of that day was that nothing in the greater Seattle downtown could fix what the world was telling me was wrong with me in one day. I came back feeling more scared and let down then ever.

Today, Steve shared with me a poem that he wrote... It beautify reminded me about how our fear of fitting in is the biggest inhibitor to reaching the hopes we dream of. Smack dab in the middle of his poem Steve writes about God's love for us... that we are beautiful despite what the world says we have to be, what size or shape we should be, what clothes we wear, or how socially acceptable we are... that Christ loved us first because to him we are beautifully and wonderfully made...

I cried. Like the big, over-stressed, manic, crazy girl I am. And it felt good. From God's heart, to Steve's lips, to my head! I so needed to hear that. So in the battle to be what the world says is pretty vs. what I feel is me ... I think I am finding myself more and more ready to "trash the dress" and be the messy, manic, normal, crazy ME

try this new cheese

2011-05-23T07:59:00.005+01:00

In the obscene amount of new free time I have post grad school, I find myself not liking being at home alone. Last Sunday, as I found myself in this exact situation, I took the advice of one of my roomies and headed down town Seattle for the "6th Annual Seattle Cheese Festival". It was raining and cold, but the temptation of unlimited cheese samples was unstoppable. Rating this festival out of 5 stars, I give a full brightly shining & flashing 5 Stars! There was a variety of cheese vendors, as well as bread and other dairy products. The samples were huge by all standards and, despite the dreary weather, everyone was more then happy to be hanging out in Pike Place market.

Highlights of the day included:

#1 Wearing my favorite pink boots (which perfectly match my pink umbrella!)

#2 Visiting Pike Place Market (NO! the rain did not stop me!)

#3 Learning how to make my own mozzarella cheese ball!

#4 Standing in as long of line as I have to get more Blue Cheese, which I learned I love no matter what!

#5 Falling in love with this festivals huge "sample" size of cheese! YUM!

#6 Best kept secret of this years festival: Coconut Cheese... the best tasting cheese EVER!

Long Live Cheese!

if this was step two... what would be your step one: ?

2011-05-18T08:55:00.002+01:00

Why is singing worship hospitality?

2011-05-15T18:21:00.004+01:00

Being obsessive about being different can have its ups and downs. Sometimes I get so carried away with trying not to "be like everyone else" that I actually end up doing things i don't like all for the sake of being different. I think singing out my worship to Jesus is one of the things I let go in an attempt to be "emergent/different/or raw". Granted, looking back at the time I let this go, it was a good thing because I grew up in an environment where the definition of worship was singing (and mostly singing Petra songs or a classic hymns)... but lately I have found myself "secretively" buy and listening to worship music (shhhhh and I love it).

One of my favorite books on hospitality is called "Untamed Hospitality". The author Elizabeth Newman doest this incredible job of reminding me why sung worship is so needed. She walked me through the authentic practice of hospitality as she explained sung worship allows people space to be active in their divine relationship, to pray, to submit to others in their community, to be invitational in voice to God and those around them... it was beautiful.

Sometimes I forget how powerful the voice and spoken word is, especially when spoken words are paired with action... its an unstoppable existence. I want my worship to be present in these times and unstoppable, and so I sing my worship and in so doing I dynamically incorporate the gift hospitality by encouraging people to be involved, to pray, to submit, to be real in their relationships.

"One who sings prays twice" ~ ancient proverb (attributed to St. Augustine)

pie is the new cupcake

2011-05-14T19:48:00.005+01:00

Reporting from the west coast of Seattle... the word is out... pie is the new cupcakes. You know all those fancy parties, or "super cute weddings" or to die for baby showers that have the most amazing and unique dessert display of cupcakes.... all those time when we used to all go "oooo and ahhhh" over the creative and unusual idea of substituting cupcakes for the ordinary celebratory cake. ahh the days when that was the "most creative" idea....
but that was so 2000...
What are we suppose to do now? What if I throw a party? What are the 'new' options? Well in the city of Seattle the pie battle is in full swing... In a city dominated by "cutie cupcake shop", its safe to say vintage pie is back! And I am not going to lie... It is awesome...
I went to a few of different of these vintage pie shops... full with 'soda fountains, high stool chairs, and 50s aprons'... sooo pretty. I'm not going to lie some pie shops do "pie" better then others. I'm a crust girl all the way!! But one of my favorites is this one pie shop that does mini pies and little hand held pies. They are sooo absolutely cute I just can't get over what a good idea it is to eat little mini pies while basking in the joy of some purposeful (or non purposeful) celebration!

So the next time you have to throw a party or plan a dessertie table... don't let the boring cupcakes get you down... try pie! Its awesome!

starting an intentional community

2011-05-11T11:08:00.003+01:00

I met up the other day with a particularly bubbly, yet controlled young lady. She heard about my thesis on intentional prayer communities and wanted to "pick my brain" about her passion for community. We scheduled our meet up at the local CO-OP deli (it can't hurt to care for the environment a little as you talk about holistic community). After spending much to much time debating weather i wanted a lush looking Greek salad or a unique looking BBQ tofu sandwich, I sat down opposite this passionate soul and began a conversation that stirred my heart in that familiar way that whispers "God is in this".

She explained how she had spent a season in prayer about started an intentional community and was exploring the possibility of starting a community in the same neighborhood I have been living and doing "community" for the last year. Her eagerness was so raw it was like a static electric shock, with an unexpected jolt to my soul included.

We started out the best way any two people can by thanking Jesus for our food, inviting him into our conversation, and then telling our stories of falling in love with... or as the stories ringed more true, how we were hijacked by Jesus. She explained an uncontrollable awareness and desire to be more and I shared the begins of my random, but purposeful community journey.

We shared about family, friends, and our passionate love for God.

My heart laughed when she pulled out a notebook and asked if she could take notes on what I was saying. I wanted to stop her, but instead of telling her to put her book away I started explaining to her that any intentional community first had to come from a pure desire to love Jesus. It can't be done for people, for justice, or even the sake of community... it had to simply and completely be shaped and centered around our savior Jesus.

I explained the importance of starting a community with as clean of a slate as you can. To let all expectation go and let God simply blow your mind... I told her to be ready to be disappointed beyond all measure and equally to be encourage beyond all belief.

We chatted then about how important space is. To not get to carried away with forming a perfect model or structure of what "our community" is going to do for God, but simply to lay our whole self ... the nasty and broken bits as well as the good and passionate bits all down at the feet of Jesus and simply say.. "I am yours use me". I warned her how hard this was and how God might use this time to call their community to serve in ways they never thought they would... possibly in ways they don't even like... but how a radical sacrifice would simply be the beginning birth pains of dreams being born.

I told her about rhythms... I even quoted my good friend Katy Smith from "Colchester Boiler Room" and her warning to plan activities that were life giving and not life sucking. I cautioned her to not confuse the word rhythms with the word frequency but to remember that a rhythm just means consistency at whatever capacity a community can handle. Community isn't about a dogma, its about freedom, joy, and life... rhythms that breathe deeper relationships.

We ended our conversation as she finished her split pea soup and I took my last munch of Greek salad. We spoke about where they were in the process of starting the community and she said they were in the process of looking for a community house. I invited her and her potential community partner to come around for dinner and prayer and to potentially look at moving into our place. Her face spoke a million times over her excitement about moving into a place where God had been intentionally invited and pursued. And then, in the cool sun of a Seattle May afternoon she scooted off to another meeting and I wandering around the CO-OP trying to find affordable deals on ethical food.

Later that night as I sat in the community house "Love Sack" an overwhelming rush of humble thanksgiving poured over me. Two years ago I arrived in Seattle. A little lost, a lot scared, and desperate to further God's kingdom now. The majority of my time here, if you stopped and asked me if I was "there" ... if I had made it to that place I dreamed of being... I would have either laughed or teared up as I constantly felt like I was lacking, falling short, and failing God.

Time after time, God would come through for me in ways that even now bring tears to my eyes. My prayer from the very beginning was to somehow, one day, help Christ-centered community form in the Seattle area. For the last two years I have tried so many times with my power alone to do that... and have failed horribly... Just this very week I was questioning why God had moved me into a community, who's presents and being has had seemingly very little impact for God's Kingdom. Save for the random prayer nights for our community, simple (and maybe even awkward) introductions to neighbors, and a tacky prayer wall in our living room, our community hadn't done much.

I remember when we moved in to this neighborhood really feeling like it was never going to be the same... like these neighbors, these streets, this place was going to experience the love of Jesus like they never had before. If I am honest, I don't feel like our community did very much to show our neighbors the radical love of Jesus. However, as I considered the handiwork of God I realized, yet again, how what I am involved in is bigger then me. With a little bit of confidence I realized I seriously did give my all to God while I was here... and though it might not be as radical as some "intentional communities" are these day it made a difference.

As I sat there in my community's small living room, God encouraged me with an image of a great field that was rich with potential for producing a mighty harvest... he then was gracious enough to show me that my place in that picture was in the season that was preparing the field... I might not see the harvest, but I think today, as I sat in the overly earthy CO-OP, I met one of the mighty harvesters to be... how my prayer have started to take shape before my very eyes.

23-26Listen to me now.
Give me your closest attention.
Do farmers plow and plow and do nothing but plow?
Or harrow and harrow and do nothing but harrow?
After they've prepared the ground, don't they plant?
Don't they scatter dill and spread cumin,
Plant wheat and barley in the fields
and raspberries along the borders?
They know exactly what to do and when to do it.
Their God is their teacher.

-Isaiah 28: 23-26

Polishing... where's my genie?

2011-04-20T11:25:00.004+01:00

So last week I submitted my first round of thesis draft. I totally expected to get it back and was on the edge of my seat as I waited patiently for my professor to review all 120 pages of my thesis (poor man!). I received my thesis back on Sunday and was intructed to "polish it".

So spit and polish it I did. For over 15 hours I have re-arranged paragraphs, re-title headings, re-grouped thoughts, deleted conclusion, re-wrote intros, and double-triple checked my citations... every time i look at it I think "oo should I change this? or that"... I feel like it could never end!

However, as of one hour ago I proudly held (in the way any student these days can hold an electric version of their written work) my brightly shinning 127 page thesis....

As I gazed at my glowing laptop screen and all the polished work I had just gone through, I almost was expecting the blue genie from Aladin to pop out and say "what are your three wishes"...

and so post-polishing thesis/ blue genie appearance these are my three wishes (in ascending order of importance)

#1 I wish my thesis was actually helpful to people interested in starting European Prayer Communities

#2 I wish that one day I get to do all the things I wrote about in my thesis

#3 I wish I was in steve's arms right now and never had to leave!

Now i get to wait and see if all that polishing really gets me my genie ???

structure and leadership

2011-04-14T12:57:00.002+01:00

I'm finding more and more that these two words "Structure" and "Leadership", when spoken in regard to the formation of Christ-centered community, can conjure up so many different emotions. In just one room of seven young church leaders I found happy passionate support, fearful uncertainty, blatant hatred, annoyed mediocrity, and questioning doubt.... Why do these words make people so afraid/emotional?

Sometimes when I run into situations like this I get confused, but then I remember it was not that long ago that I would have counted myself in many of those negative categories.

My bigger question is #1 have I settled by apparently coming 360 degrees in my view of church structure, leadership, and community?

#2 is there a third way to be a leader in a church? One that isn't structured and is structured at the same time?

#3 how do I help people understand that if the church is meant to grow we need to be constantly changing s the people that fill those churches and the roles and structures that are created.

thesis done

2011-04-13T12:30:00.004+01:00

so my thesis is done... i woke up on Monday and thought to myself, "now what?" its been going on two years that I have been constantly nagged by books to read, articles to review, projects to think up, papers to write, and a thesis to nail down. But as of Sunday April 8th I submitted the last of my school assignments and the hundred and thirty page thesis that was born.

so what does a girl do when she wakes up fresh on a Monday morning to the sound of two over hyper squirrels playing tag on her roof and the sun fighting to break through the dark black out blanket that hangs over her bedroom window??? why by George she bakes....

And so bake I did. I went to the store and bought a humongo bag of chocolate chips and then scoured the tinternet for the best "secret" ingredient... I decided on cinnamon... and bake away i did until i had over 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies to my name...
after the whole experience of wearing my bathrobe all day and pulling warm melty cookies out of the oven... I was simply beaming... but the cool thing came when I started handing out said cookies. people are always so happy to get a cookie... and trust me, tho i am sure these cookies tasted great they were not the best looking cookies (most were quite wonky!)

ever sense I just keep thinking... i want to get better at this cookie making business... I found this website called tablespoon.com... it is freaking awesome and totally inspired me more...
I think I want to be a cookie baker blesser! hahaha... i want to find all the best cookie recipes there are, make them and then spend the week afterward finding people to give them away to and chat with...

then i really started thinking about this cookie baking hoopla and I thought... "why not invite other people to come over and get involved too" what if I chose a day every week that was cookie day and we would make cookies all day... pray into the cookie, laugh, and try and be creative.. and then go out and spread all the cookie wonder around to the people we know and love... we could take them to work, to school, to our neighbors, to the bus stop, to the homeless shelter! everyone loves a home baked cookies... why not share love that way!?!?

i like my cookie blessaking ministry! its going to be a hit! i just know it!

a labyrinth to remember!

2011-04-03T06:36:00.001+01:00

so what a surprise. I met JamieDee when we both volunteers at the 24-7 Minneapolis Boiler Room, aka Source, two summers ago. We only spent 15 days together. but they were a damn good 15 days. After we parted ways she went back to Atlanta, GA and I headed off to Chicago... A few months later I moved to Seattle, WA... and then a few months after that Jamie moved to Berkley, CA... we both were starting school and finding our footing in new places, but we tried to stay in touch when we could. I rang her when Steve came for visits... and when we got engaged... she always was so happy and supportive... I really appreciate her friendship.

WELL! randomly she rang me and announced she was just a few hours away from Seattle and she was on her way up and wondered if we could meet up... I WAS OVERJOYED! of course I wanted to see her... It was a manic week for me, thesis rough drafts being due and work... but the day she arrived I managed to steal away from my books and work for a gorgeous sunny spring day in Seattle. We walked along the waterfront, instantly started debating Church, Christian leadership, and the marginalized. I got to met her amazing friends and they totally were awesome dealing with my overdepthness in conversations.

We ended up at the Space Needle where there is an amazing Labyrinth set up underneath it. It was such an honor for the 5 of us to stop and prayer walk through this labyrinth in the middle of the busy seattle city. and the cool thing that happened... as we started doing this labyrinth all these other people started joining in. kids and adults were just so excited to walk through this labyrinth... and the statements that were said

"wow am i going the right way"

"this is taking forever"

"i love this!"

"is there only one way?"

"are we being tricked?"

"hahahahaha!!"

"its a race!"

"this is so fun!"

all these statements so reminded me of different times I have experienced in my faith journey... i found myself deeply moved by how the people around cane remind me so much sweeter of how Jesus has been near me all the time I have similarly yelled those types of statements out... yet again... I LOVE LABYRINTHS!

rough draft done

2011-03-22T10:09:00.002Z

my rough draft of my thesis is done....

i have surrivied the most manic month of my life ever.... from hosting my friend laura, to helping my church Scum plan vision and mission meetings, to having my brother and his gf come, to laying down over 100 pages of a thesis, to celebrating my hunny-loves 29th birthday, to applying for visa applications, to booking tickets to England....

and there is still another week left...

as a side note... the "active" life of a thesis writer has left me 10 pounds heavier.... and vastly out of shape... or more shapely (however you want to call it)... went to the gym for the first time today...

Jess (my roomie) and I both kept saying over and over... "i can't wait until we have more time to waste at the gym"... it does the body good...

21 days until grad school finishes

29 days until i fly to England to see my stevie

45 days until I graduate

128 days until my last day of work at Evergreen hospital

138 days until I MARRY STEPHEN JAMES LAWTON!!!

one big final count down!!

the limits of love

2011-03-16T10:59:00.002Z

A friend has come to visit me from Chicago. I really enjoy hosting people, and even though a serious of misfortune events does seem to follow us where ever we go, we are fully enjoying getting to re-know each other despite an almost 3 years separation from our college-glory days.

most of our conversations revolve around boys, relationships, and confusion. I must admit for the first time I find myself in a different and slightly awkward position then I ever have been in before... I'm not the girl pining away over a lost love, nor the girl disappointed by inevitable let down, nor even the girl nervously trying to ignore a ridiculous crush... I am simply and completely happy in love...

my friend, though supportive often finds this a tad irritating and annoying (though I have to give her props, Steve is always on my mind... and we all know from experience whatever is on my mind usually is what I am talking about :P)

However, the intensity of 'loves had' and 'loves lost' has never been more present then in my recent conversations.

We spoke today at length on how groups of good girlfriends can (or can not) have serious partners with out compromising their current girl friendships. How can a normal girl that is use to 'understanding' the plights and woes of the young single woman suddenly trade sides in the middle of the game? Have I let down my fellow female comrades by so easily and completely falling in love with the man of my dreams?

How can one girl give her whole heart over to a man and still have anything more to give to her friends? Does a girl inevitably have to choose... whoes verses bros?

I must admit this slightly had my mind in a tizzy. My life, by definition and call, has been about my girlfriends. I pride myself on being able to make any girl, not just a friend but a best friend. I don't take friendship lightly. If I count you as a friend, its more then just a matter of having your back... it a depth of loyalty that knows no ends. For 25 years my girlfriends were the only ones that shared my burdens, supported my fears, developed my 'mother hen' caring tactics... with out my girls I wouldn't know up from down....

so, have i done them a dishonor by falling so deeply and perfectly in love with a man?

I considered for a moment some of those fist pumping overly feminist rallies I went too in college and the multiple late night gab session my lady friends and I regularly shared, and my curiosity increased.

By all means, I had multiple examples of how girls could start dating boys only to drop completely out of their regular social circles to focus their attention on a boyfriend relationship... I had seen the damage of those types of girls actions to their girl group of friends...the hurtful loss... and I was bound never to be that girl.

As my friend and I sat on the ferry bound for Seattle, we talked about if the love between a man and a woman should be different then the love between a woman and her core group of friends. I was surprised by this idea of two loves. I had thought for so long that love was just love. Yet, the more I spoke with my friend, the more I realized the different types of love that exist in this world.

I deeply love my fiance and soon to be husband Steve.

I also deeply love my girlfriends.

As our conversation was coming to a close I realized how silly we had been the whole time trying to hash out who becomes more loved in a woman's life... I realized we were silly, because me falling desperately in love with Steve only makes me a better woman. It makes me more understanding, loyalty, well-spoken, gentle, peaceful, strong, careful, fearless and soooo many other powerful characteristic...

The reality is... for all of my 25 years of growing up, before I met my fiance, my relationship with my girlfriends was helping me become a women that would be better at loving him... and now for the last two years and hopefully for the next 100+++ years my relationship with my fiance and soon to be husband will be helping me become a better woman that is more capable of loving my girlfriends.

If I were to stop loving Steve with my everything, it would hinder my ability to more fully and completely love the woman God has so wonderfully allowed me to befriend... and that just can't happen!

My relationship with my fiances is wildly different then my relationship with my girlfriends...but because both are founded on God's love ... they support and nurture each other.

There is no limit to love... the more I love.... the more I am capable of loving.

thesis interviews..

2011-03-07T06:01:00.002Z

another section of my thesis finished. My goal this week is to finish another section by the end of this week. Then I only have two more to finish. wow time is running out fast....

but i am enjoying the process.... and, i think, learning lots!

leadership

2011-02-28T10:41:00.004Z

its interesting being asked into a role of leadership at a church. all i know is that its very important to do things right from the beginning. the church has asked me to facilitate as they plan their mission, vision, strategy, and roles. I am really excited to serve them in this way, sense over the last two years this has been the efforts of my degree.

I also am finding it easier to gather material on this topic as I presently am writing my thesis almost on the exact same topic. I am excited by the idea of Leading them through some of the key points of what it takes to develop the local community. It is going to be an interesting journey. That is for sure.

we have our first meeting on wednesday. I have been advised not to let the meeting go longer then one hour and to have a very timely and strategic plan for our time together. for this reason my first point of conversation will focus on developing each personal leader and helping them figure out where they stand as leaders, what is important to them, how they want to serve, and what type of leader they they do not want to become.
roughly I am thinking this will come through figuring out

*what each leader's personality is
*what each leader's love language is
*identified "bad" and "good" leadership moment
*developing personal vision and mission statement.

that in and of itself is a lot of work for a first meeting... so we shall see if i keep all those things. My bottom line question is it important for leaders to enjoy each others company? is that vital to the success of strategic planning?

interesting...

bean

joy in the midst of pain

2011-02-20T11:51:00.003Z

today I went to my classmates fiance's funeral. It was such a privilege to be a part of honoring this man of God. I only ever had the chance to meet him once, but the way my friend talked about him completing her, inspiring her, loving every bit of her personality, it was incredible.

i thought she would just talk all about what she lost... about what she didn't get to have... but it was one of the most beautiful things as my friends stood on that stage and spoke from her heart about the joy of getting to feel the ultimate fullness of love, of being honored to be in a completely deep and honoring relationship with the man that she loved, to have experienced for 7 months and to continue to experience the full extent of God's grace.

she truly was one of the most inspiring people I have been blessed to know.

I still can't wrap my head around it, and walking up to my friend afterwards and giving her a hug and a kiss was one of the most heart crushing moment... i'm still processing it all, but as we drove oh our car load was jut overwhelmed by how powerful it was to see a so many people have joy even in the midst of pain.

all those promises God has made to us, just became that much more real.

thesis interviews..

2011-02-18T12:31:00.001Z

Almost done with all my interviews for my thesis....

only two more to go... eeeee we are getting close to the finish line people!

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T06:18:00.002Z

It was really good to have Valentine's Day on this monday. I know that a lot of people hate this day, because it is so "commercial"... one of my roommates has a tradition to wear black on this day and to call it the "day of morning". I know it can go over the top a little some times, but I found today really... nice.

It was good to hear some of the people I love the most stop and say "Hey, you know I love you". I appreciated that today. In this moment and in this time. I have a lot of reasons to be happy and feel love.

my friends and I are still hurting over our lost friend, we will for a while. This is truth. But if I have learned any lesson over this weekend its to appreciate each day you have, each love you have, in the moment you have it, to love with everything you have.

steve comforted me over this weekend when he reminded me of Romans 12

9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply

this is me on Valentines Day.

death becomes me?

2011-02-13T09:03:00.002Z

its been a month of death for me.

earlier this month i heard, from a childhood friend, how her serious boyfriend of two years struggles with colon cancer. She told me over a heartbreaking facebook message how she wouldn't change anything for the world. How her boyfriend helped her heart feel in ways she never knew it could. and how she doesn't regret a moment. He just started a new treatment of chemo and if it doesn't work (which they are ready for it not to) he will be dead by spring.

A little later this month i heard about a couple from my work and few other couples that had been married for forever that were all separating and more then likely going to divorce. I struggled more with seeing things that were once so alive, start to fad and die.

today death hit closer to home then it ever has. one of my close classmates, who recently got engaged and was planning an april wedding, found out today that her fiance died in his sleep last night. It makes no sense, and the sting of death has my heart flinching in pain for her. Death is consuming and so final. It just happens. My heart hurts right now, for lost lives and lost loves. For hurting so much that words don't matter and silence that just stings. For tears that are combinations of hatred and sympathy, anger and thanksgiving, confusion and faith.

I didn't like this day. i've come to hate death. and its hard to see God. death makes things well blurry. how do you comfort those that death leaves behind? why do good people have bad things happen... that can't be okay!!

Church that attracks only Christians

2011-02-09T09:13:00.001Z

I was reading this book on urban ministry. This quote make wonder if the church models I promote and engage in really are making as big of a difference as I would hope.

"careful examination might show that the church's 15 percent growth over the previous year came from other churches and that the reason was the simplicity of the preaching or the availability of a daycare center for infants. If the church is interested in conversion growth over against transfer growth, then expectations have not been met. More than that, the church may be attracting christians in disregard of other local ministry.
Such a pattern are habit forming and often irreversible. You have learned how to promote your ministry to christians rather than non Christians, and by all appearances you have found success" (conn&ortiz, urban ministry)

Just reminded me that all growth is not good. And that we have to be intentional about the growth we are seeking. I don't know how I would do this, but it helps me to be aware of it.

It's awesome to be around Christians but caution should be taken when more Christians are attracked to what you do then anyone else.

weekend defining spirituality?

2011-02-06T10:20:00.003Z

i spent a long week, and weekend, opening my thesis with a defence of why its important for 24-7 Prayer to be focusing mission in Europe... (altho after reading some of brian heasly's blog this weekend and a reviewing my Guildford Boiler Room notes i might have to do some editing!)

but here was a little teaser of what i came up with...

What is spirituality? Simply said spirituality is a human condition. There is no denying that spirituality can be a complex and broad topic, but for the sake of relevance and practicality I am interested in describing spirituality in the most basic and applicable way. The biblical support is recognized as humans are described as holistic beings make up of body, mind, soul, and strength (Luke 10:27). Additional definitions have claimed, “Spirituality is religion put into practice” (Burkhardt, 2010, p. 45) and other that “spirituality is an attitude of hope” (Austad, 2010, p10). I believe spirituality is a combination of these two simple ideas. Spirituality is a process as much about belief as it is action and as much about action as it is about belief. For this reason, I would define spirituality as an intentional attitude of active hope.

my heart might be 3 sizes to small

2011-01-29T12:42:00.004Z

I'm getting ready to graduate from my master's program... starting to think about the work I can do... or maybe want to do is a

better way to say it.... What avenues do I go down... What are my real interest?

I've obviously been exposed to loads of incredible people over the last 3 years. And as I begin to face my future I wonder if my heart is really ready for it. how can you know what your heart can handle? As I sat around a friends dinner table to night and heard about what people dream of, where they want to go, who they want to be... I wondered... is my heart to small?

I've been interviewing some astounding community leaders, church planters, and all out amazing selfless people? When I finish these interview I'm amazing by how much people with passion can accomplish. Again I ask myself, is my heart to small?

The vulnerable, the unemployed, the forgotten, the wronged, the addicted, the underdeveloped, the annoying ... working in these types of context are going to brush me up against pain, stubbornness, hate, apathy, brokenness, hunger, theft, injustice, burn out... is my heart to small?

how does one grow their heart?

holiness

2011-01-28T06:50:00.006Z

been thinking on holiness. mostly because I am reading this book called "The Tangible Kingdom" by Hugh Halter. I definitely felt called out, when I read from this author how people can feel like becoming holy is simply a process of getting rid of all the "bad" stuff in your life... (*blush blush)

No drinking

No smoking

No premartial sex

No R- rated movies

No scandelous dancing... to be safe no dancing at all

No bowling... just to be safe etc...

What this author challenged me on was in realizing that holiness is a two sided coin.. and in fact when Jesus talked about it he more often mentioned the stuff we are suppose to do (like feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, fight for justice, be kind to our enemies, love those who hurt us, forgive, don't judge) more then he told people they had to shed their evil "skin" and stop being bad.

I think what was really powerful was how this author reminded me about a few things.

1. If the bible is "good news", i should not be tempted to share it in a way that makes people feel guilty, shameful, or down right bad.

2. holiness is a process of casting things off, but even more so it is a process about adding good things into our lives so that we can reflect Christ more.

3. the mystery of God is that the more good we add into our lives, naturally the less bad or sin can be there... thus simply being intentional about following Christ by doing what he did, can achieve what so many people are desperate for and no nasty check list of sins had to be completed

Basically I realized that if all I ever do is walk around telling people what they can not do that doesn't sound like very Good New. Even more so, one of the reasons people feel like they fail when they try to be more holy is because they focus more on "getting rid of their bad" and completely forget the important step of making sure that they are filling that space in them with all the "good" that God offers.

realizing holiness is a two-fold process really challenges me to not get so hung up on the times when my "bad" side comes through, but to just remember to be intentional about including the good practices of Christ... according to Hugh Halter (and even more so the bible) the more we infuse our life with the good ways of Christ the closer we will get to our Holy God and the more natural holiness becomes.

Note on Leadership

2011-01-26T06:20:00.002Z

Here are some of my notes from my Leadership class... we all are pretty much loving this course... it is overly American, so take it for what you will :D

1. Doing what I love to do + do it with the people I love = IMPACT!

2. Servant Leadership: Test of Leadership

A) Do those being served grow because of the communication and services you offer? Are you creating environments that encourage people to grow?

B) Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, antonymous, begin to shine, show impact

C) What is the larger impact? Do they show impact in the world? It’s not about results or numbers but bottom line if you are impacting people, they should be equally going out and impacting people. This is a perfect model of disciple ship.

3. A Leaders Role boils down to two things.

1. Its our job to tie the work of our people to the mission of our organization

2. is to get the resources to the people so they can do their job… this is not just getting material in money and tools, but also in removing barriers.

4. Be careful that you don’t let the idea of leadership go to your head. This is very easy to happen and to get hungry for things of this world.

prayer baby

2011-01-18T06:10:00.004Z

a class mate of mine just let us know that she is pregnant. She has had a hard time getting pregnant and it seems like such a miracle that she is carrying a baby in her tummy. I find myself thinking of her a lot and wanting this baby to be born so badly... i never realized how special babies being born were until I became close with someone that desperately wanted a baby but had a hard time getting pregnant.

another classmate and I went over and prayed with her over the weekend and it was such a magical and intense time. to some extent we are all holding our breath that this baby will have a birthday... but at the same time my friend is brilliantly just taking each day, one at a time, and trusting God...

if you have a moment to pray for my friend and her unborn baby... we all would so appreciated the support... we are hoping on a miracle! the baby is 12- weeks... the size of a lemon!

what is a story?

2011-01-15T07:26:00.004Z

As many of us have experienced tour guided walks or explorations, what makes them so magical is the guides ability to point out both the obvious and the easily missed landmarks and then, through words, explain their importance. Jean Vanier, the founder of L’Arche communities supported this value of words and stories when he stated “To name something is to bring it out of chaos, out of confusion, and to render it understandable” (p. 25, 1998). Later he went on and explained, “As we start to really get to know others, as we begin to listen to each other’s stories, things begin to change… We begin the movement from exclusion to inclusion, from fear to trust, from closedness to openness, from judgment and prejudice to forgiveness and understanding. It is a movement of the heart” (Vanier, p. 83, 1998).

This is the reason we humans find the process of story sharing so powerful. Stories invite both author and audience into a special personal relationship that connects our unique life experience in that shared moment. Stories are born not just through the pen of an author, but through the enchanting moment that author and audience meet and form an intentional relationship where both are involved in giving and receiving their hearts.

string ends so far apart

2011-01-14T05:36:00.002Z

so coming back to seattle has been a feeling I am getting used to; bittersweet. I love the blessings that surround me here: graduate school, community house, amazing job, good friends, city life, lovely church... its so wonderful...

at the same time its hard to be away from Steve when we are trying to start our life together, the impending doom of my visas, thesis, money, schedules, work, jet- lag... have left me for the last week very anxious, sleepless, frustrated, and apathetic.

one of the most inspirational things to happen was that my community house had a bit of conflict over the holiday season... from that we have started asking ourselves questions on how we can be more intentional. From that I got to spend time reflecting yesterday on a few ways to help encourage our house to do simple yet intentional thing in our life...

it was nice to just let all the crap filter away and just spend 20 min doing something i love which is talking and creatively thinking about prayer.

So, i am learning how when life starts getting carried away, it is good to just pause and take time to go back to doing what I love to remember why it is I do what maybe I don't completely love to do...

all the same stress still is weighing heavily...

love keeps no record of wrong...

2011-01-12T00:48:00.002Z

the longer I live in community the more I have learned a few things...

#1. Its normal. If you expect to join a community because you want to be excited every moment or get where the action is or be inspired, then you have another think coming. Don't get me wrong these things do happen in community, but they are meshed in with a slew of normal and quite boring days where you wake up going "what am I doing here and is it making any difference whatsoever?". Normal doesn't mean ineffective... it just mean you are normal!

#2. You can't reach all those lofty goals you set in one day. If you join a community expecting to instantly start achieving all those goals of 'reaching the lost', 'being actively involved in justice', 'having night long prayer sessions', or 'meeting all your neighbors' you are going to be sorely disappointed. there is a reason they say being in a community is a lifestyle commitment... its because it often takes a LIFE TIME to invest in theses very simple goals. The important thing to realize is not to get discouraged when you realize how many goals you haven't accomplished but to be inspired by the small ones that you have!

#3. No one is perfect. If you think joining a community means that all the people will completely 'get you' or all 'understand' community the way you do, then think again. Communication and relationship building is one of the longest processes I have ever experienced and it takes living 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with a person before you will even BEGIN to scratch the surface of understanding who the people in your community are and what makes their hearts tick. Often what you experience first will be peoples flaws and failures. This doesn't mean that your community is failing. Far from it. When the flaws start coming out consider it pure joy that your community is in fact getting to the heart to the matter. Peoples hearts are generally wrapped around by lots of layers flaws in an effort to protect themselves from experience certain types of pain again... thats ok! Seeing pain and walking with someone who is hurting and or hurting themselves is a process of building up not tearing down. Also being in a community doesn't mean fixing broken peoples problems... it just means being with them... through everything. It means giving them the space to figure out how to be about healing and all you have to do it be there... don't try and fix people or you will get in the way of what community is about.

Remembering these things helps me daily live in the beautiful and highly messed up community I am a part of!

waking up

2011-01-09T19:47:00.002Z

so it was amazing to spend the last two weeks in the lovely country of England with my fiance Steve Lawton. I was so excited to see him in the airport i just melted. For the two weeks that i was there we found ourselves blessed over and over again visiting family, prayer communities, school centers, friends homes, and new cities... it was a speed through of reconnecting and discovering.

One really cool thing was just spending a chunk of our time in Colchester, which is the town Steve and I will hopefully live once we get married. Steve walked me around the city, hand in hand, to point out neighborhoods we could live in and areas of town that were important. It was so special to just dream with him a bit about what our lives will be like and the direction we are going.

Sense getting back I keep asking myself what was the biggest take away from my trip? Once i started thinking back to how the trip went, I think what was the best ever was simply how excited I was to wake up ever day I was there.

For those of you who know me, you know that mornings are not my favorite. I often liken waking up to experiences of horror, torture, or death. Normally I feel a sharp sting the instant my eye are forced to open and leave the warm, comfy dream world and coherently take in the "real world"...

But opposite to my normal wake up routine, over the last two weeks the shear joy I've had at waking up and bouncing out of bed was ridiculous and slightly creepy. Poor Steve dealt with the blunt end of my early morning wake up calls. But as I assess my trip, my biggest take away was, the excitement that shook me awake each morning.

So often I get wrapped up in the normal every day monotony of living and life that instead of waking up feeling excited about living, i feel drained and reluctance. It felt so good to remember what it feels like to be excited about living, about the possibilities of life, and the simple joy each day can have.

If only everyone could experience the blessing of what it feels like to wake up so alive, the world would be a much different place. I flew away from England yet again feeling overwhelmingly blessed and eager to return.

Missing My Stevie Muchly!

Christmas

2010-12-24T06:03:00.003Z

i think this Christmas is one that has me remembering what my journey has been like. I know my life journey prolly pales in comparison to what Mary and Joseph went through when they headed off to bethlehem on that first Christmas. but as i fast-forward to this modern day Christmas I have to give a little chuckle that even today we mark the Christmas season as one where many people pack their bags and head out on a journey...

it just makes me reflect on the places i've been, who i've met, the people i have fallen in love with. Christmas time is such a good time for me to start reflecting on what the year has been to me. I think back to last time this year... I was an anxious, stressed out girl waiting for this boy, Steve Lawton, to travel near 5,000 miles for us to be together for the first time ever as a couple. I was so nervous i didn't eat for weeks (and for people that know me that is RIDICULOUS!).

i laugh now because that moment seems like ages ago, and yet at the same time, just yesterday.

I am actually blown away by how much I have learned over this last year. Grad school has a way of stretching me with out me really recognizing it... looking back and remembering how inflexible i was, actually makes me shake my head in amazement. I've done so much growing and have so much more to do.

It been such a good year. lessons learned, cars towed, friends made, battles won, roomies teased, tears shed, wine drank, hearts broken, games played, friends t.p.'d, fiances kissed good bye... & hello, families met, weddings planned, churches found, prayer rooms prayed in, studying done, grades earned, jobs changed, karaoke sang, sardine pasta ate, camping survived, fears unanswered, hopes remained...

all in all its been fantastic and full on.

This year brings a whole new set of challenges. I will finish my thesis, make trips to England, quite my job, get married in England, relocate to england, find a new job, join a Boiler Room, and spend my first fall as the wife of Steve Lawton....

it kind of makes me tingle... and that how I know that life is good, hard sometimes... but I give God all the glory and honor for sticking it out with me and blessing me so...

so MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD LIFE!

finals almost done

2010-12-05T22:23:00.003Z

I have just a few more papers to finish and my finals are officially done for this semester. wow times flies when you are busy in grad school!

ahhh well, its been so worth it.

we are hosting a "Wine and Cheese Christmas Party" at the house I live in... we are excited about that!

we also just made christmas card for our house and I am soooooo pumped about sending those out this year. they will be hilarious!

this months is actually turning out to be quite fun and I am so thrilled that there are only 20 more days until christmas... come on christmas and get here already! soo excited i can barley breathe!

leap frog

2010-11-26T23:39:00.002Z

hahah this week was so crazy weird. so sunday i went to work like normal, but when i got off work it was crazy snowing. i made it home safe, but lets just say after i slept for 8 hours the storm had left its mark...

so i couldn't go to work monday night... it only had snowed an inch, but Seattle just can't handle cold weather at all!

so tuesday i made it slowly to work, but then wednesday I had the night off for my thanxgiving celebration.

thursday night i strutted into work to to finish my normal work week. but seeing as how i missed work on monday I asked to come in and make it up on Saturday. so this week has been the most interesting leap frogging work week. work a day relax... work a day relax... work a day relax... i kinda liked it! wink wink!

wedding bells

2010-11-24T11:30:00.003Z

well its finally official official official

STEVE AND I GET MARRIED IN THE UK

AT 217 BOILER HOUSE

WITH BOTH OUR FAMILIES THERE

ON 8/08/2011

BY RUSSELL GODWARD

WITH CHEESE!

now for my save the dates... tickle tickle tickle!!

book reco

2010-11-23T07:56:00.002Z

so i'm really a pretty kick butt book. it's called

"Nudge" by Leonard Sweet

It says all the things I want to about evangelism but way smarter then I ever could.

p.s. interesting story, I ordered this book off Amazon and it arrived at my house 12 hours later.... seriously they must have had a guy waiting at the door and then 'potato gunned' him to my door... ridiculous!

To Plant a Church or Not?

2010-11-17T09:50:00.003Z

So I was just considering the subject of "Planting Churches".

I live in Seattle, a city known as the least churched city in the whole of America. When I first heard this, as I was packing my bags for Seattle, I thought "Wow, it must be a den of darkness there"...

So when I rocked up here, I was a bit surprised to find that about ever 3 or 4 block in any direction that I walked... there was a church. Ok fair enough... so my question.... Why do I keep running into people that are "going to build churches in Seattle"... to me there seem to be enough churches... but what appears to be lacking is people willing to go and support these churches.

I can't speak for the rest of the world, because I really have only lived in America, but if there is any one thing wrong with the growth of churches in America, its that there are too many of them!

Now, you might think I am one of those haters against church diversity and such... and I completely am not... but the majority of people that come up to me and say "oh you live in Capitol Hill??" or "oh you live in the Central district?" I"m going to start a church there!!" ... and then I ask them "Do you know the churches that are in that area? Do you know the network of intentional communities that are working there already?" ... in which the majority of them stammer and stutter, then declare to me how they are going to do "something different" or "something new"... in which I give them a "ahhh ok... God bless... " and then whisper (maybe a bit too self-righteously) "you are going to need it!"

I am just finishing a course on Collaboration.... Absolutely Brilliant. Grant it, the course is a little tedious, but the material is seriously phenomenal.

The author Phil Butler, comments on how important partnerships are to building quality relationships and opening up opportunities for prayer. He also comments on how out of all the groups of people in the world, Christians have the hardest time working together. Why is it that a group of people that claim to have the same leader (God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit) struggle so much to find a common vision to work together and help each other reach their goals?

I thought the author was a bit crazy when he first started writing... I mean Christians are about selflessness, humility, and love... they practically have "to live is Christ and to die is gain" tattooed on their foreheads... right? But then I realized as I read case study after case study that, somewhere in the beauty of Church, some wires got crossed.

Maybe its just me, but I tend to find that churches like to see themselves as little tropical paradises. They've heard the good news, they are about it... if you want to come to their island then awesome, but otherwise they are a bit oblivious and less then enthusiastic to know what is going on around them... if a church is "radical" they might even send out people to go "make other island churches".

I've by no means am a world traveller.... and I definitely write this from a position of inexperienced and ignorance, but it seems to me that God is a pretty big God... and that he pretty much is working in ever nation, city, town, village, and (gulp, shall I be so bold to say) person....

Don't get me wrong... there soooo is a need for people to have passion "To Go"... but somewhere along the way the reason for "going" seems to have gotten mixed up. The way I see it, the biggest reason people should have a passion "To Go" should be to find God in the midst of the struggle and pain they have heard of... to find the best way to support His work. Some times, and I would dare say it is rare, God will ask people to build something from the ground up... but most the time God simply is asking people to go and find Him and support His body...

So why are people so fascinated in "church planting" and not "church nurturing/supporting".... Ok this is where I might get a little mean... so stop reading if you want to think I am nice...

To me it has to do with pride. There is no personal glory in supporting something you didn't "create" or "plant". It sounds a lot more exciting to say you went to a city and "made a church", that you "personally made a way for people to find salvation"....

I've heard lately that Europe is one of the spiritually darkest places and I've been reading ways that people are attempting to reach out to Europe. I ran across a definition of a city in Europe as any "place that has a cathedral", which makes me think that Europe probably has enough churches too... This got me to thinking. Wouldn't it be great if somebody... somewhere... started training up loads of people "To Go" and be "Church Supporters"?... That simply said... churches in Europe could get on a master list that identified them as site that wanted people to come and invest in the work of strengthening and empowering the church. (gosh they even good let local people know they were recruiting! wink)

In a way its flipping the coin... instead of Churches proclaiming, "come to us because you are messed up and we want to fix you" they could instead use the asset approach and be like "we see the worth in you, come get involved with us, we could use you around here!" Thereby letting people enter a loving relationship with God through the art of support and encouragement. hmmm sounds like love to me.

But it will take both the Church and Planters to realize there need to be a change in how churches are being strengthened and empowered.

Basically... all this just made me realize, that a seed is planted in a moment, but a tree takes a lifetime to grow... seeds are amazing wonders to impregnates the earth with... but trees are what give us the oxygen we need to take all those collective breaths of life. It amazing having seed planters, but it is also just as vital (if not more) to be the one that nurtures the tree and tenderly cares for it to make it the most helpful and beautiful creation it can be.... planting takes a moment... nurturing takes a lifetime.

all this to say... as important as planting is... I think there needs to be a revived training of people to support the seeds that have already been planted.

My Thank you to 24-7 Prayer

2010-11-06T07:29:00.004Z

I'm in a course called "Women and Children at Risk" this semester. I wasn't that bothered to take the class, but sense it is require... I am...

Its been a rough go. The professor is an Essex boy, that knows his crap and keeps you on your toes... I've never had to work so hard to get a "B"... hahaha, but I'm proud to say, I earned that "B"

This last class was blowing me away. I literally was on the edge of my seat. Statements like "Being focused on Child Development has shown positive community development for all" had my creative juices flowing for how I could use this to promote prayer communities.

I love prayer communities, but sadly the year i spend living in one, I wasn't a very good person and knew nothing about what it takes to be a leader. I was a hot-headed, judgemental, undisciplined person, that thought I knew everything about anything when it came to loving God and being radical... "psshhhh"

Really at the heart of it I was desperate for someone to tell me "Tina its ok.. you don't have to be a hero for God to love you" and was hurting because I just wanted someone... anyone to notice I was alive. I remember when I ran into one of my heroes. A famous 24-7 prayer-er... He compiled this book called "Writing on the Wall"... I remember really wanting to impress him and just standing there like a fool. My life compared to what he was doing for God was like... pathetic.

Tracy and Brian Heasly 24-7 Prayer Ibiza leaders

Hahaha, have you ever wanted to impress someone so much that you end being a twit!?!? wow, story of my life! wink... but even through my blunder of a year being involved in 24-7 Prayer Communities, people just kept loving on me.. Why!??! Only God knows. From the moment Andy Freeman greeted me at Heathrow airport with a warm smile and hug, to Sally and Rob Harman shuttling a homesick and confused American back to Stanford, to the lovely Carla Taylor being the most amazing host, to Richard and Katy Smith showing us around Colchester and letting us pray with their street pastors, to Brian and Tracy Heasley teaching us amazing spiritual lessons while gardening on the farm, to Dan Jones and Alana Wiens dedication to teach us the Story of God.... not to mention the people I did my gap year with Charl Young the young and fearless church pioneer, Gemma Prescott the famous Olympian and prayer warrior, Steve Lawton the golden boy of prayer, James Godward worship guru, Jono Freeman super servant... I mean truly amazing people!!

Charl Young and Colchester Boiler House leader Katy Smith

I had never felt so deep... and it scared me. I loved God a lot, but I was nothing compared to these heroes.... praying nonstop, open prayer center in the middle of clubs, prayer walking through towns, writing books about community, knowing the whole bible by heart, smile when they were sick, loving people who were creepy, not worrying about money, pioneering radical new forms of church...

And for one glorious year, I got to be in the club! haha it felt good to be in. But how shattered I was to have to leave, I thought for sure this was God's sign to me that I had, in fact, failed to prove myself in the hero club of praying and so I was out.

But something I've come to learn this year is that the people I labeled

as heroes, are not... that nothing they did even came close to being heroic. See cuz a hero lives for the sake of his story. something momental happened to them and only them and heroic stories are told to build on the identity of the hero.... see the people I look up to, in fact, are Saints. Why? Because Saints point to a Savior. They live not purely for selfish gain, but personify Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain".

The Gang from my gap year getting breaky at Ikea!

Prayer communities are not built on the backs of phenomenal, accidental, and rare heroes, but on the knees of simple, messed up people who chose to be intentional about pointing to a mighty Savior.... my definition of the everyday Saint.

To me 24-7 Prayer seems to carry a high concentration of these simple, everyday Saints and because of their intentionality I'm learning how to point to that mighty Savior too.

I am starting to but together my thesis for my masters degree and humbling am hoping to add to 24-7 Prayer amazing Vision 2020, specifically their dedication to mission and spreading prayer communities. Its my prayer that I can take the massive experiences of love and give them back to 24-7 Prayer, in a way that honors their rhythm of "being blessed to be a blessing"... yes, the longest ass Thank- you notes ever... a Thank- You Thesis.

so here is to the beginning!

xxx

Thank- You everyday Saints of 24-7 Prayer... for giving me a nudge that pointed into an intentional direction of eternal transformation!

(Transit 09: Gemma Prescott, Charl Young, Carla Taylor,

Me + Rob and Sally Harmon Stanford Boiler House leaders)

How Can I Meet My Neighbors?

2010-10-27T12:15:00.003+01:00

So when I moved into this community house I had a dream of meeting all my neighbors, of us all being buddies, and living it up! But Sadly I have yet to really "meet" any of them. Our neighbors on the corner seem to do a much better job. They are three slightly odd glass blowing blokes who spend most of their time... heeeyuk... glassblowing. They also just will spend time hanging out in their back yard chilling around a camp fire...

Time... I am realizing if I am going to meet my neighbors I need time... and being intention. But is it weird to just go knock on the door and be like "HI! I wanted to meet you!!!" I feel like I need an in... but what!?!?!?

Between work and school I am fried... and time is something I just don't have. What am I meant to do and be in this place? How am I meant to do and be in this place?

I feel like I have already waisted two good months... and a year goes by so quickly... what to do... what to do!?!?!?

Bill time

2010-10-26T00:18:00.005+01:00

I must say, most months when it comes to paying bills I'm a little depressed. there never seems to be enough air around me to squeeze more money out of....

of course this is me being completely selfish, as the other day I realized what a privileged position I am in... loads of time i moan about having to work full time and be in grad school full time, but it is such a blessing to be about both... work and education are pure gold.

Plus living in my community house has really helped spread out the cost of living... ahhh its nice to be able to split things like Internet, electric, and milk!

all in all there is something to be said about how satisfying it is to pay for the thing I use or need. Working is such an amazing part of who I am... if i couldn't work it would be so hard for me to feel like a real person in the real world... It reminded me of this article i read (i totally have forgotten the name and author!!) that reminded us that work is a part of our worship to God.

This made me even more aware of why it is so important to help people find jobs to allow them to enter working worship to God.... Hmmm I never thought that as a person that desperately wants to see the kingdom of God lived here on earth that I would become an advocate for the economy and employment opportunities....

bottom line... even though money seems tight a lot of the time, the huge amount of blessings I have and the opportunities I am given really humbles me to realize how important it is to just say...

Thanx God for helping me pay my bills!

Collaboration

2010-10-22T02:46:00.003+01:00

I preach comfortable christianity

2010-10-20T00:43:00.005+01:00

First take a look at this link:

Comfortable by The Streets

I was watching this video and was deeply challenged. As a Christian it seems like pain, suffering, and discomfort is what always takes us to the next level... the deeper intentionality, the more aspiring inspiration.... comfort and (cringe) that phrase "comfortable Christianity" is likened to that bible verse where we are challenged as Christians to be either hot or cold because to be lukewarm makes God sick enough to vomit. (The Message Revelations 3:16)

But as I was watching this genius and slightly odd video by The Streets, I keep asking myself "Is there something in "comfort" that equally, if not more, challenges us to be intentional and deeper?"

I started thinking about community, especially the love I have for prayer/missional communities and realized that comfort is one of the major themes we grab a hold of to reach out to people. Phrases like, "we wanna meet you where you are not" and "church on the street" are ample examples of how comfort and being comfortable is powerful emotion that can be used to connect to people and the real life they are living.

I started realizing that that idea of "comfort" is edgy and radical. Being comfortable is another way of feeling free. I think of times when I have started going to a new place or being in a new group of friends... the moment things really start to change and I really start to feel impacted are when I start to feel comfortable. A sense of comfort in these moments makes me have the courage to be more of myself, to be honest, to be challenged. For this reason, the idea of fighting for comfort is parallel with fighting for freedom. Freedom is a state of being released or free from confinement and thus is the ultimate goal of Christ justice. To be free from the chains and bondage of sin and able to live comfortably again in a restored relationship with God is the Good News Christ implored us to tell.

Comfort by no means is a single event. It is a process and often to feel the most comfort we have to be intentional about entering uncomfortable situations. And so I am reminded of the message that The Streets sends in "Comfortable" that sometimes we let our lives get so cluttered with the idea of making sure we are "uncomfortable" or "suffering" that we forget what it is we really are living for which is for an eternity of comfort with our Savior and God.

For this I am challenged to live a lifestyle that is radical and edgy... a life as a comfortable christian that using that love of comfort to be intentionally about entering the most uncomfortable situations and to seek out the God of freedom, justice, and love.

England Scares Me!

2010-10-19T10:42:00.002+01:00

I started applying for my "fiance/marriage visas" today. Wow, who knew one government could have so much control over my life!?!?

I had to answer some pretty crazy questions and man they do not want to share their public services with newbies (so my recommendation is that I better have access to bucket loads of money!)

how awful would it be if steve and I planned our whole wedding and then I can't come because the UK says we can't get married? How crushing would that be? The way this wedding planning has gone thus far I wouldn't be surprised if this happened.

Why are things so freaking complicated? What ever happen to the idea of letting two people who were in love choosing how, where, and when they wanted to get married and just being happy for them!

hmmm well, I"m not going to let this pop my happy bubble! ahhhhhhhh steve and my wedding is going to be the bestest most lovely wedding! how, when, and where ever that happens!

Lil' hope for my ICCD Peeps

2010-10-15T14:48:00.002+01:00

i wrote this in a text message to Tiffo... then laughed and now I want to share it with you all

"encouragement with classes?

well pull right up w/ teacher let me fix my glasses

cuz this iccd cohortz gunna kick some asses

cuz we be the hope of the fuckin masses

Declared

2010-10-14T10:55:00.003+01:00

My Thesis Topic: Intentional Communities

Communities I've used as Research

"217 Boiler House" Stanford-Le-Hope, Essex, UK

"Boiler House" Colchester, Essex, UK

"24-7 Center" Ibiza, Spain

"Christiania" Copenhagen, Denmark

"Shelter City" Amsterdam, Netherlands

"Source Boiler Room" Minneapolis, MN

Emergent Church, Seattle Wa

American Hotel-Hostelling International, Seattle Wa

My Favorite Research Books

"Untamed Hospitality: Welcoming God and Other Strangers" by Elizabeth Newman

"Punk Monk" by Andy Freeman

"When Helping Hurts: Alleviating Poverty Without Hurting the Poor and Yourself" by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert

"Radical Hospitality: Benedict's Way of Love" by Lonni Collins Pratt and Daniel Homan

"Globalization, Spirituality, and Justice" by Daniel G. Groody

"Nudge:Awakening Each other to the God who's already there" by Leonard Sweet

"Traveling as a Political Act" by Rick Stevens

"The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical" by Shane Claiborne

happiness

2010-10-12T11:18:00.002+01:00

My wedding dress is being shipped to me at this very moment... i've never been so addicted to USPS tracker page :)

look what the closet dragged out

2010-10-12T04:23:00.003+01:00

I was searching for my favorite boots... and as i was digging through my closet i found my scarves! i am sooo happy for it to be fall time again. i was walking down the sunny ally today and was like "wooahh this is like one of my last autumns in the northwest... and maybe in america for a while"

that was a little weird to think about... but wow do i love fall!!

Do governments create laws that include or exclude?

2010-10-08T03:47:00.002+01:00

talking about child rights in my class tonight... i'm a bit confused. the issue of do we advocate for child rights or does that undermine a life that is in the best interest of those children? If we give government the right to step in as an advocate for child when parents are "forcing" them do do things that they do not want to be involved in ... is this good or bad... yes governments could step in and get children out of situations where they are being abused sexually, physically, emotionally... but what about children that declare they are being abused because their parents chose a certain lifestyle for them based on faith (which maybe go against what main stream society says is ok)?

this got me to wondering, do people really feel like they are involved in the rule of government or has government become an excuse for people to not be involved. I got to wondering if the laws that are being made are laws that are calling people to be more active or encouraging more people to detach??

i'm not sure? i want to believe that people who are properly educated and informed would choose to do the right thing. but what if they don't? who's call is it to step in and enforce that? hmmm hard to say!

Performance Review

2010-10-06T23:32:00.002+01:00

well had to meet with my boss for performance review. all high marks... so thats good... then again i work all by myself all night... so how do they really know how good a worker I am? hmmmm

haha but it was good to know that things are going smoothly... ooo and in 3 more weeks i get a 20 cent raise... heck yeah for putting in a year of work!

oh man i can't believe i have worked this job for another year! and learned another crazy amount of lab test and procedure... craziness.

the interesting thing is how this job experience has really just made me realize how i really do like health care. its fun, its high speed, its high skill... so much so i decided i wanted to go to nursing school.

I prayed about it and really felt like God was giving me green lights to go... but then when i started checking stuff out in the UK its definitely a "wait". They want me to be a resident for 3 years first ... that seems like FOREVER!

but if its something i really want then i guess waiting three years shouldn't change that. Its just sometimes i feel all the pressure of these roles and I'm just like what if I start living life so deeply i forget my dreams or something??

hmmm, i wonder if mostly this is because school is a safe zone for me. Its really scary giving up america and my life here and heading off to england. New land, new wife to be, new job, new friends, new church... its all going to be sooo different. In some way if i was going back to school that would be something familiar to me... hm now its all just back to completely new and scary and different and exciting!

India!

2010-10-05T11:22:00.006+01:00

India fascinates me! I attended a Hostelling International World Travel: India Event. The young women that lead it lured me into her experience with talk of chai teas, trains, and street food vendors. I was so intoxicated by the idea that i swear i started smelling the beautiful stench of New Delhi.

My soul is starving for travel. How can the world hold such magnificently diverse people, places, and experiences? I feel like the world is a ginormous, dropping, 9-month pregnant mother-to-be, waiting to give birth to my very desires.

I feel like I'm standing on this cliff that is over looking all the places of the world... but am i putting the right wings on to fly there?

Lately I feel like I've lived most my life. Like I just get once chance to blink and then its over. I feel like I'm in mid-blink. Will I like what I see when i open my eyes again? This "dream like state" mid-blink brings, has me dreaming of walking labyrinth in Europe, riding elephants in India,

snapping pictures of Russian architecture, sleeping on trains through Siberia, shoving prayers in the wailing wall in Jerusalem, eating yummy cheese in a small town in France, helping build communities in Kosova, watching the sunset in Greece... AND SO MUCH MORE!

Is there going to be enough time in life to see

it all? I'm wondering if life can hold as much as I'm wanting it to?

Well regardless India is my new obsession....

Interesting things I learned.

#1 there is no toilet paper in India they use a cup of water for "washing"

#2 dark is out, light is in... everyone tries to be as white as possible UV protection is in everything

#3 they really don't say Thank you there, it takes away the "honor" of helping

#4 all older men and women are called "uncle" or "auntie"

#5 you must bargain for everything you buy

#6 pens are the best gift! they encourage favor from the gods. Give someone a good pen and you have done a good deed!

so anyone want to go to India with me??

(p.s. this has further sparked my desire to get that elephant tattoo!)

class

2010-10-01T12:49:00.003+01:00

so we have class on thursday nights. I also am mentored by an amazing women named Elizabeth Chapin right before class.... I decided to take the bus... in an effort to continue my environmental awareness... and mostly because holy crap my school tuition is expensive this semester!! (haha plus i got my car towed again... so i have to some how find $300 spare dollars!! oh the joy of squeezing money out of thin air!)

but i digress....

so i met Elizabeth at said coffee shop we talked about my week and woooahhh big revelation i realized loads of my anger towards God is because I believe that love means you never get hurt... we talked about me praying through that this week... hmmggg

then wen to class where all my class mates shared what they did this summer! talk about amazing!!!! everyone was so inspirational. Even the people that started out saying they didn't think they would have anything super amazing... ahhh everyone brought some really valuable life lessons.

i got to share more about how i want to write some spiritual guide book. i didn't talk so much about labyrinth, but you know only so much time. That being said more then every i really want to include it in my thesis... eeek

I have to have a meeting with my academic advisor to get my "idea" cleared before we start writing. wow i can't believe we are already to this point! writing my thesis SHUT UP!!

this weekend is going to manic. I am helping out at a cultural kitchen project that i put together specifically to help refugees. its the first time the hostel has do a Cultural Kitchen for Refugees so you know... it should be exciting!

plus there is Salmon Festival, A friends CD debut, going out for drink, A fundraiser for fight sex-trafficking ... oh and did i mention more homework! sheeesh! wink i'll have a blast!

beanie!

so how do i deal with pain?

2010-09-29T12:36:00.003+01:00

so the question that has been haunting me for 24 hours and leaving me in multiple times as a raging ball of tears was answered in the wise world of Paul

Hebrews 11

Faith in What We Don't See

^1-2The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

³By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see.

⁴By an act of faith, Abel brought a better sacrifice to God than Cain. It was what he believed, not what he brought, that made the difference. That's what God noticed and approved as righteous. After all these centuries, that belief continues to catch our notice.

^5-6By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. "They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him." We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken "he pleased God." It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.

⁷By faith, Noah built a ship in the middle of dry land. He was warned about something he couldn't see, and acted on what he was told. The result? His family was saved. His act of faith drew a sharp line between the evil of the unbelieving world and the rightness of the believing world. As a result, Noah became intimate with God.

^8-10By an act of faith, Abraham said yes to God's call to travel to an unknown place that would become his home. When he left he had no idea where he was going. By an act of faith he lived in the country promised him, lived as a stranger camping in tents. Isaac and Jacob did the same, living under the same promise. Abraham did it by keeping his eye on an unseen city with real, eternal foundations—the City designed and built by God.

^11-12By faith, barren Sarah was able to become pregnant, old woman as she was at the time, because she believed the One who made a promise would do what he said. That's how it happened that from one man's dead and shriveled loins there are now people numbering into the millions.

^13-16Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.

^17-19By faith, Abraham, at the time of testing, offered Isaac back to God. Acting in faith, he was as ready to return the promised son, his only son, as he had been to receive him—and this after he had already been told, "Your descendants shall come from Isaac." Abraham figured that if God wanted to, he could raise the dead. In a sense, that's what happened when he received Isaac back, alive from off the altar.

²⁰By an act of faith, Isaac reached into the future as he blessed Jacob and Esau.

²¹By an act of faith, Jacob on his deathbed blessed each of Joseph's sons in turn, blessing them with God's blessing, not his own—as he bowed worshipfully upon his staff.

²²By an act of faith, Joseph, while dying, prophesied the exodus of Israel, and made arrangements for his own burial.

²³By an act of faith, Moses' parents hid him away for three months after his birth. They saw the child's beauty, and they braved the king's decree.

^24-28By faith, Moses, when grown, refused the privileges of the Egyptian royal house. He chose a hard life with God's people rather than an opportunistic soft life of sin with the oppressors. He valued suffering in the Messiah's camp far greater than Egyptian wealth because he was looking ahead, anticipating the payoff. By an act of faith, he turned his heel on Egypt, indifferent to the king's blind rage. He had his eye on the One no eye can see, and kept right on going. By an act of faith, he kept the Passover Feast and sprinkled Passover blood on each house so that the destroyer of the firstborn wouldn't touch them.

²⁹By an act of faith, Israel walked through the Red Sea on dry ground. The Egyptians tried it and drowned.

³⁰By faith, the Israelites marched around the walls of Jericho for seven days, and the walls fell flat.

³¹By an act of faith, Rahab, the Jericho harlot, welcomed the spies and escaped the destruction that came on those who refused to trust God.

^32-38I could go on and on, but I've run out of time. There are so many more— Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, the prophets....Through acts of faith, they toppled kingdoms, made justice work, took the promises for themselves. They were protected from lions, fires, and sword thrusts, turned disadvantage to advantage, won battles, routed alien armies. Women received their loved ones back from the dead. There were those who, under torture, refused to give in and go free, preferring something better: resurrection. Others braved abuse and whips, and, yes, chains and dungeons. We have stories of those who were stoned, sawed in two, murdered in cold blood; stories of vagrants wandering the earth in animal skins, homeless, friendless, powerless—the world didn't deserve them!—making their way as best they could on the cruel edges of the world.

^39-40Not one of these people, even though their lives of faith were exemplary, got their hands on what was promised. God had a better plan for us: that their faith and our faith would come together to make one completed whole, their lives of faith not complete apart from ours.

Amen, Amen, Amen

out of control

2010-09-28T12:39:00.004+01:00

Went for Thai Food tonight. It was in this little town outside of Seattle. I met about 10 co-workers. As we were having dinner, the conversation ended up going really deep and talking about how young girls can be sexually abused/taken advantage of.

The shock was really hard to take in. In school we have been reading loads about vulnerable children and the horrible conditions they are subjected to. I have been blowing through the readings, because I refused to put a face to any of these children or their situations.

Tonight at dinner all those children started having faces and started being friends daughters, co-workers children, my cousins baby girl... I got so angry I went quiet.

How could God let this happen? I mean seriously??? I know the textbook answer is that God doesn't want hurt to happen, that its just a result of a broken world... but for some reason when young girls I know are getting raped, that answer doesn't measure up.

I am so angry that it hurts, I'm so sad that i makes me mad, I'm so annoyed that it makes me cry.

I can't answer this one. Praying a bit earlier I get that the emotions I am feeling are shallow in comparison to what God feels for his hurting children... but why the eff is there still so much pain? i feel like the world is spinning out of control and there is no one strong enough or gentle enough to stop it in a way that will leave any of us as survivors...

Is there any sanity in this messed up world????

I love turtles!!!!

2010-09-24T03:59:00.002+01:00

My friend, Carmi, from N.Z. came for a very short visit. One day we went to one of the local universities and rented canoes and went canoeing out on this random little bay.

it was so interesting because the water was interwoven under neath these massive highways... so 100 feet above us traffic was zooming by at a completely higher speed then the ridiculously still water we canoed through...

then we rounded a corner and ran into these wonderful turtles just basking on a log in the lovely warm sun. I never got so close to a "wild turtle" but I was just so amazing by creation and the two different worlds that could pretty much exist in the same space!!

it reminded me how sometimes we can get so crazy busy we don't see the beauty of just slowing down and seeing "the sun bathing turtles"

Healthcare and Spirituality

2010-09-21T09:57:00.001+01:00

I had to write a paper on spirituality and healing..... this was what i came up with

Course: Health, Healing, and the Kingdom of God

Prayer is powerful. Christians have been slapping this slogan of spiritual power on t-shirts, bummer stickers, and bibles for decades, but how seriously does spiritually affect humans? As western society works to separate spirituality from the physical reality, medical science has been highly affected. The affect on medical science is demonstrated by the priority of logic, physical laws, and reproducible over faith, prayers, and miracles with in healthcare. Medical workers should recognize healthcare as a process of reconciliation between humans and God. This occurs as healthcare practices healing and prevention of death, which allows more opportunities for life and the experience of God’s promise of reconciliation.

Healthcare, as a tool of spirituality, is one of the most vital forms of spiritual development. In a world that lives on extremes, the reality is that healthcare is a matter of life and death. When God originally made humans He made them as eternal beings. When Adam and Eve sinned they were cursed with death (Genesis 3). Since that moment humans have been fighting for their very lives. As healthcare progresses in western culture the exclusion of spirituality has resulted in a mutated understand of healing and wholeness. Humans are viewed as machines that need preventative maintenance instead of beings made up of mind, body, and soul. As a healthcare worker I have witnessed how separate care for mind, body and soul fails to bring holistic and lasting healing.

Healthcare that recognizes the soul/spirit to have an effect on health and healing understands the importance of incorporating spiritual care into the healthcare practice. The danger of incorporating spiritual care is entering into the spiritual warfare occurring between the devil and God. The bible clearly states that the devil has come to kill and destroy (John 10:10). Death as the result of sin is being used by the devil to eternally separated humans from God. As healthcare workers prevent death and offer healing they are directly opposing the work of evil. Long (2006) supported this idea that healthcare workers, especially Christians, can view their work as temporary physical representations that are foretelling the permanent spiritual healing and reconciliation of humans with God.

In conclusion, Jesus has fulfilled and is fulfilling the promises of God in His victory over death. Healthcare workers, especially Christian healthcare workers, should be encouraged to incorporate the use of faith, prayers, and miracles into their healthcare practices, because God’s promise is victory over death. When healthcare workers understand their authority and power over death and incorporate spiritually into healthcare practices, they will see development of faith, prayers, and miracles, which ultimately will lead to holistic healing and humans reconciled with God.

labyrinths

2010-09-18T11:05:00.003+01:00

so labyrinths are these old things... weaving journey's that leads to a center and then back out again... (think Celtic monks!)

as i was doing some research i was learning about how the pattern came to be...

so below is a demonstration of how a labyrinth can be draw... this particular one is known as a "Seed Pattern".

the cool things was reading how the process of drawing a labyrinth takes the basic concept of the square and the basic concepts of a circle and merges them. This is known as "squaring a circle (i.e. accomplishing the impossible)" Kern, 2000 'Through the Labyrinth'.

Kern also went on to write how the labyrinth is a symbol of uniting two world views. As i was reading all i could think about was Wolterstorfs description of the "Third Way" in his book Justice. Wolterstorf discussed the importance of not choosing violence or non-violence, but looking to Jesus as the ultimate author of the Third Way Movement. Jesus wonderfully displayed a merging of the two very different world view of right vs wrong to call his followers to a higher way. Jesus taught on poverty he didn't approve people ignoring or people just giving to it ... but called his disciples to lives of poverty. Jesus instructed his disciples to not run away from violence or to fight against it but to stand in the midst and simple turn the other cheek.

I was incredibly excited to read how the very basic structure of labyrinths can represent a deep and powerful way of living... and I haven't even begun to dive into understanding how praying and walking through a labyrinth can further the faith journey.

Tran-Siberian Railroad

2010-09-16T06:17:00.004+01:00

so went to the hostel today. they were having a Traveling 101 about taking the Tran-Siberian Railroad. Let me say going into it i was like "hmm whats this about?" coming out of it i am like "DUDE WHERE CAN I BOOK MY TICKET!?!"

it was actually amazing to learn some of the letters and ways of the Russian language. To learn that you can get a train that will take you through st. petersberg, moscow, and all the way through to china!! wot!?!? and for only $200 dollars!??! you have to be kidding me! its prolly because i am a little dense, but this concept was overwhelming and awe inspiring to me!

then just learning the fun of how you can't take this train ride with out consuming loads of vodka, sharing bread and cheese, and just chillax for 33 hours on random trains with the common Russian makes me so excited to give this a try.
most of all seeing a picture of the St. Basil church in Moscow has me absolutely screaming to get to Russia! i think it is beautiful there and definitely have just listed it as one of my top places to visit before i die!

oh and on a side note... did you know there are 8 time zones in russia... but all the trains run on moscow time!! interesting huh!?!?

family

2010-09-13T09:21:00.002+01:00

My cousin visited this weekend. Its nice having family around. as we were talking she just sounded so much like my family (because she is) i just kept thinking "ooo i miss my family!"

its weird being in this place where you want to be in like 5 different places at the same time. I love where i grew up and the fun memories Dixon brings. haha nothing will replace those memories of doing afternoon paper route, the crazy loveland community building workers that had the nerve to kick us out of their sprinklers, the neighborhood boys i used to have rouse with, or driving the green machine the 8 block over the peoria bridge to sweet Dixon High School.

at the same time, I desperately miss Dekalb life. My first true moment of freedom. College was my ridiculous growth time. You might as well have called me a weed and doused me in Miraclegro. It seemed like every month i was breaking out of another shell and getting more to the core of who i was and what i wanted to be. I miss my friend there and the incredible amount of laughs we had.

then England and the specialness of digging in. Dedicating a year to God probably was one of the best moves I ever made. I look in the mirror sometimes now and am absolutely astounded to see how many prayer I prayed in England have come true over the last two years! I desperately miss the kids on bus and wonder about so many of them and their lives and if they are ok. I miss my house mates and our intensely girly house. I mostly miss us all laughing together!

and now here i am in Seattle. Loving this city. finding a group of people to worship with, to pray with, to take care of, to count on. School is changing my life, fall in seattle is like my ultimate favorite weather, and i love knowing where the good clubs are and the good place to get cinnamon rolls.

shheshhh its crazy how so many places, so many people can all be so special... but yet we have to chose just one place to be... life is crazy like that!

Thesis Teaser

2010-09-09T12:41:00.003+01:00

have you ever had questions so deep they made you ask deeper questions and then even risk asking the deepest question ...

WHY?

have you ever wanted to be a part of a story? to have something solid to rely on to look to for guidance? to be a solid edge to jump from?

have you ever wanted to feel alive? so alive that ever breath seemed to make your heart surge with a crisp passion to be what you dream of being while simultaneously forming that reality of that dream?

have you ever trusted enough to open your ears to really hear and see the answers to what you are looking for?

have you ever just wanted to know what faith really is all about?

"Deep, Deeper, Deepest Questions: A Labyrinth, A Life, A Listener; A Relationship of Faith"

Kosovo - The Young Europeans

2010-09-08T12:17:00.005+01:00

I had to research this for my "Children at Risk" class and thought i would share it here as well...

Kosova was a nation that was heavily oppressed by the Serbian nation. In 1992 the people of Kosovo held free election and established their own government. In 1998 the Serbian government started cracking down on Kosovo army. Soon Serbia was slashing, burning, and leveling complete villages in Kosovo. In 1999 NATO began a bombing campaign that eventual lead to the leader of Serbia with drawing from the Kosovo nation.

“The devastation left over one million refuges and internationally displaced person. 300,000 people with out shelter, an estimated 14,000 dead, and mass graves containing bodies of up to one hundred civilians, including women and children.” (www.savekosova.org)

Focusing in after the war on children today, the struggle within an improvised Kosovo is challenging. Children are often seen as burden on families. With the entire population struggling with a near 80% unemployment rate, parents, children, elderly, young, men, and women are forced to dig through heap of garbage to search for food and recyclable goods. A new generation of children is being breed within the poverty of Kosovo where it is commonplace for children to go uneducated, for parents to neglect their children, even for children to be seen as commodities to be sold into human slavery.

But Kosovo’s story doesn’t stop here. With all that it has endured, all the pain, the lives lost… there is still a story of hope. Kosovo is a nation born through her people. A people determined to live lives of peace and unity. Kosovo was born because her people were willing to make a stand. Willing to dream. Willing to believe that with hard work, love for family, and devotion to community they could live full and meaningful lives. The challenge today is to not let the new generation of children forget who they are and what they come from. Its through remembering their story that Kosovo children and families, men and women, young and old will once again dream, once again join hands in unity, and once again live full and meaningful lives of peace.

“Kosovo is now making efforts to rebuild their broken community.” (www.savekosova.org)
Remember, Dream, Rebuild… they will!

Resources:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2o3bT8eh8E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfVsb6u2NPw
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/articles/restoring_hope_to_the_roma/
http://www.savekosova.org/deceit=news=18.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcYZCWa7ff4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9c_TP8sWXI

woah!

2010-09-07T12:57:00.003+01:00

just spent an intensive week reading 300++ pages about child poverty, then watched Born into Brothels... it was an intense week.

today i've written two papers and 3 forum responses... plus read another 100+ pages on spirituality and healing...

grad school why do you haunt me!!?!?!?

nah really i enjoy it, its just like on the weekend i like to get my sunday nap and i had to miss it this round :(

hope i remember everything.

My cousing Shelly comes from the midwest this Thursday. I am looking forward to showing her around seattle... and hitting up a few of my fav tourist spot... can i help it that i LOVE taking people on tour guides?

on a side note... i just realized Rick Stevens is from Seattle and pretty much i am model my thesis after his travel guide books. i wonder if he would have a sit down coffee with me? I wonder what i would ask him????

school and distractions = settlin

2010-09-05T09:02:00.001+01:00

so we are back in full swing of school. i should be reading the 200+++ assignment that i have due thursday... but when you can look at wedding stuff who the freak cares about school!?!?

i went out for ethiopian food tonight with a couple that i bought a mattress from earlier this year. it was good to meet some new faces and hear some new stories.

i started working on my save the dates for the wedding... but really how much can you work on that when you don't yet have a date to save for your wedding??

i miss steve a lot these days. how can we really only have been apart for a week and a day? it feels like an eternity!! deep breath...

i've started thinking more that i might do some sort of tour guide book for my thesis based on Labyrinths and then guide people through a prayer journey... just need to figure out the direction and all. I went to a second hand book store and bought like 5 travel books to start getting ideas and inspiration.

we are having a labor day party on monday and hope to meet some of our neighbors. today me and my roomie jess went to get groceries and Stanley a very nice older gentleman (that was crushing cans near our apt) very nicely helped us carry in our purchases. I get a really good vibe from our neighborhood... even tho everyone says it is a really scary place to live... i like it!

still trying to work on rhythms and intention. but sense one of our roomies is still out of town we are not pushing anything just yet. getting settled then going to push into that area of intention. should be good!

i'm fairly good in life... the only time i stress is when i realize how far away england is from me and get scared that steve is to away from me... but you know one day at a time... and when ever i freak really bad i call steve crying and he makes me laugh and then i realize that life is actually really good and we are going to be fine...

I have also found that Sugarland is a perfect remedy for a gloomy girl...

no time to recover just GO

2010-08-31T10:05:00.002+01:00

so wow it was great having two weeks off of work and then with getting engaged over that time... i almost forgot what i was doing with life...

but thanx to a heavy dose of reality this monday has reminded me the incredible journey i get to go on...

with my first school assignment requiring me to read 200++ places and write a case study on children in poverty, starting back to working full time, cringing at the fact that i still have 4 library books i want to read through, and preparing to play host again when my cuzzy come for a sweet visit...

there is no time to ease back into anything but just a quick moment to punch the Go button and be shot out like a torpedo into this fall...

major tasks at hand

#1 Don't drowned in homework

#2 Plan a wedding

#3 Write a thesis (i think this should be number two.. but you know... the wedding will always be my guilty pleasure!)

#4 Invest in the community house we call "Love Sack"

#5 Convince my boss to give me holiday over Christmas

so you know... nothing to big or anything...

Dear Baby Jesus

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beanie Burnie

community house

2010-08-27T22:11:00.002+01:00

so its a done deal. we have signed a lease and i am all moved into the new community house. I kinda forgot how exciting it is to move in with people... especially people that you like. The buzz in the house already has lots of energy.

people are in and out all this week. but we really are enjoying getting settled. we spent the first part of our evening last night just handing the house over to God and asking him to involve our little community the best way he could...

we really have no idea what our community will look like or how it will express itself, but last night there was definitely a solid foundation laid for my roomies and I to start exploring the best way to love God, to love each other, and to love the world.

on a slightly sadder note. Steve's six weeks in america is up today. I had to go to the airport with him this morning and brutally say good bye to him. By far this was the hardest. My heart very much felt like it was being torn in two.

I cried a lot, but more then ever i am convinced that what steve and I are about to be involved in this year is for the best... not only for us as individuals, but for us as a couple as well. It will be hard, because as of now we probably wont be able to see each other until April. :(

but I am convinced that God has got us and where we are meant to be is me in seattle and steve in England... regardless the good bye was tearful and gut twisting.

more pictures of the community house soon... i promise!

bells are ringing!

2010-08-24T03:57:00.002+01:00

so basically i just am one of the happiest girls ever!

on Friday August 13th 2010 Stephen James Lawton asked me to be is wiffy!

amide much tears and hugging and laughing i managed to say yes and let him slip a sparkly pink ring on my finger...

in the weeks that have followed i have overloaded steve with questions, comments, concerns, and ideas for how we can manage to have a wedding celebration...

to say the least its no surprise he is a bit tired...

but lucky for us... i NEVER GET TIRED!

let the wedding plans commence!

vacations

2010-08-21T03:13:00.002+01:00

vacations are well good. steve and i decided that a bit of his last few weeks here we would spend vaca-ing it up. we decided camping was our way forwards sense ...

a) we are broke

and

b) steve meet a man we call friendly Jeff that would loan us all our camping gear

double score!!

we left on tuesday. drove up to Anacortes, Wa and caught the ferry there to the San Juan Islands... talk about gorgeous. we stayed at one of the most friendly little camping resorts. we put up a tent, we made dinner, we swam in a lake, we even went for a canoe adventure.

we explored the island, watched for whales, got coffee, and made fire... we were regular wilderness explorers by the time we left.

then we hit up HWY 20 and wound our way through the cascade mountains.

TALK ABOUT B-E-A-UTIFUL!

we would be talking randomly and then both go "woahhhhhhhhh!" the blue sky, the tumbling water, the painfully scary walking bridge... it was well worth it.

we pulled up yesterday at our second camping adventure. in a town called Winthrop. Its a town all made up to look like olden day western towns. ahhhh we have had so much fun, yet again making fire, cooking food, putting up tents (haha minus us loosing a tent for a few moments when we failed to stake it down and the wind took her for a little walk... ahhh but we gott'er back... no worries!)

its nice to just have a little change in routine. a little break from the normal. just soaking in some sun and my super steve... before fall chases them away...

beanie bernie

hospitable justice

2010-08-10T01:39:00.004+01:00

so in an effort to explain community i am wanting to stand from the merged vantage point of hospitality and justice.

my question?

Can defining hospitable justice encourage more praying communities?

I've been reading books about St. Benedict as well as just tackling more books on justice. Today i am trying to barrel through a book on worship. hmmm this study for a thesis thing is like well serious!

Books

2010-08-04T03:51:00.003+01:00

so august definitely started the seriousness of me needing to read for my thesis. i haven't really put in proper time to reading and now i must that i must that i must...

as i begin my reading adventure, i have fallen more and more and more in love with the word HOSPITALITY.

there is such power to this word and such extreme distortion as well. I am trying to discover a true definition of hospitality. one that is sustainable, but honors truth. Can i find a way of describing hospitality as a form of justice?

I want to encourage people to engage in hospitality in the same way that St. Benedict went about hospitality, but i want to use word to describe it in a way that is really relevant to this generation. i want it to move peoples souls enough to make them want to engage in an intentional spiritual journey that can further transform their life.

i'm reading a book by Father Daniel Homan and Lonnie Collins Pratt called Radical Hospitality... that quotes,

"When we speak of the depth of hospitality, we are proposing something scary and radical. But it's worth the risk"

this type of statement just stirs me... the danger excites me and the worth entices me... this i want to be about.

Curry

2010-07-30T10:56:00.003+01:00

My old roomie, Shinhye, came by this evening and cooked steve and I an amazing S. Korean curry. we laughed loads while she flung bit and pieces of carrots in the pot and all around my kitchen. Then we sat down on my very casual living room floor (minus the dinning room table that i don't have because i don't have a dinning room!) and just enjoyed a little asian cuisine and some good convo...

then we master the art of playing Uno with three decks of normal playing cards... it was immense. Shinhye and I got walked to the bus by Steve, then got to ride the bus part way as she went home and I went to work.

While we sat on the bus i was able to say hello to Christina a young Ukraine girl who is working in the city and on her way home from a semi slow day... as well as casually converse with Michele-Ellen an intelligent young women that is studying to be a nursing assistant.

Shinhye laughed and asked "Tina is there anyone you don't know?"... I laughed and defended myself by saying "i'm on the bus for a long time... might as well know the people i'm around"...

but at that moment seattle felt a bit like home... familiar surrounds, familiar faces, familiar routine... wow that was a weird moment!

how it happens i don't know

2010-07-28T10:58:00.003+01:00

so tuesdays have organically turned into prayer days. i pray with tiffany about community in the early afternoon. Then when steve gets back around 5pm from his volunteer day we pray together. Then this tuesday we met up with Caleb (one of the guys that is going to be living in the community house). we drove over the the community house and did a little pray/blessing over the house.

it reminded me again how much i love going out to pray. ahh i just started thinking how great it would be on tuesday to go out and find people to pray with. i met up with loads of people today and getting to pray with them, just made the day have so much more meaningful.

I really love praying with people and being intentional about taking praying out.

I really do love praying in my apt... and the whole intimacy that brings... but there is something that really spur my outward desire for prayer when i invest in prayer inwardly.

I have this pot of change that we prayed over at one of the prayer nights i had at my apt. we were praying for "change" ... i still have all the change. i was meant to take it out some place and spread it out, but i never did.

i keep seeing that pot of change and being like "where should i take that?" but i never really get an answer. But interestingly enough, i have begun to notice that as i am taking myself to work at 1020pm ever night that the little corner near my apt turns into a collection site for drug dealers, homeless, prostitutes, drunks, and frequent police arrests....

i am thinking that is a good place for some "change". I remembered seeing a sign that Stanford boiler room posted in one of their prayer rooms stating "keep your coins... i want real change" i think that might be a good statement to lay down with these coins... i was so inspired by that statement that i even wrote a whole paper on how the world is looking for real change and what that real change is...

we shall see, we shall see...

no tears this day!

2010-07-27T11:33:00.004+01:00

so normally, on this day i would pretty much be a puddle of tears. steve has been here for 13 days and normally in our lives after two weeks of heavenly bliss, we have to take that horrid trip to SeaTac airport. Endure a horrific moment of trying to smile and say good-bye, even though my heart is actually being shattered into a million pieces. Then walk away from each other for undetermined (and usually way to long) lengths of time.... :( :(

BUT NOT THIS DAY! :) :) :)

Steve gets to be here with me for a whole 6 weeks and one day! these two weeks have been prolly some of the happiest of my life.... I sit around trying to focus on normal things like checking e-mails, or watching my shows, or talking with friends, but my mind seriously will just start humming little ditties about how much i love steve and how i see hearts ever where!

i'm hopelessly in love!

and the crazy thing is that i just keep falling deeper. Is there a cap to this? Ever day steve will say something or do something that actually makes me be like "holy crap!! i love you even more!"

people keep saying there will come that "moment" when we get annoyed or tired of each other. but i seriously think it is impossible.

everyday is incredibly normal and ridiculously adventurous. today steve and i got to sit and read the bible and pray together a little longer then we normally do. i was sitting next to him, loving God so much, and was blown away by how amazing it is to worship God with this incredible man who has ridiculously made my life more lovely to live.

do you know what it feels like to touch a real live blessing? to hug a blessing? to laugh and pray and eat and do dirty laundry with a blessing? to whine about slugs in the kitchen, to go dancing with, and to encourage a friend with a living, breathing, blessing?

In the person of Steve Lawton, i will tell you it is the most incredible and privileged place to be! I love him so much... yep its the truth... and i never ever ever will stop!!!

happy are these days...

"the nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter" psalm 30:5

p.s. thanx for coming to see me steve!

dinner and refugees

2010-07-26T08:51:00.002+01:00

I really love my hostel internship/work experience. I am working along with the programs director for Hosteling International. They gave me the responsibility of organizing and running their "Cultural Kitchen" program. I have to find groups of people who would be interested in learning about another culture and then put a menu together based on that culture and then have them cook and share the meal and what they have learned at the hostel.

It pretty much is like planning dinner parties with a purpose... can anyone say my dream job!?!?!? hahaha tho seriously i really do love it.

Another really cool things is that i really was trying to figure out a way of making this culture kitchen really have positive impact. one of my classmates is working with an organization that helps integrate refugees here in the Seattle area. the two of us are going to work together to see about customizing a cultural kitchen to help serve the refugees she works with by having them learn about american culture and then cook an american meal at the hostel. It is really cool to see how multiple organizations can work together to do some really positive and fun stuff!

I'm really excited to see how it all kicks off over the next few weeks!

blind?

2010-07-25T11:50:00.002+01:00

is being blind good or bad?

lately i have realized that i just don't notice crime/ badness when it is happening? people were being stabbed? drugs were being sold? women were being trafficked!?!?

i don't know weather to be pleased by this innocent ignorance or annoyed by the obnoxious naive-ness???

coming from quite a sheltered back ground i am always confused by my place in a world of brokenness, pain, crime... loads of time i just see like the good of it all or experience the happiness i am perceiving???

what does this mean about me... am i selfish for just seeing the world from my limited worldview?

hmmm how do i un-blind myself with out becoming overwhelmed?

p.s. steve and i went out for a little midnight stroll tonight in seattle city. why are the cops always in the safe places? Belltown (the high/posh place of seattle) had cops on ever freaking corner. In capitol hill there was not one cop to be seen...

on a cool note.. we saw this van picking up drunk people off the street and helping 'em out.. steve and i both where like "wow just like the Ibiza team" haha it was a good reminder!

what is discipleship?

2010-07-23T09:21:00.005+01:00

i've been having rants with steve while he is here. we were talking about gap years and setting aside time for God...

I started to wonder if exploring the whole idea of journey's really is me desperately seeking out new and innovative ways of discipling and being discipled?

what is discipleship? is it relevant to our world today? can people be discipled before they are a disciple? is discipleship hospitality?

once i really wanted to eat a watermelon i had grown. i grew up in the city, a world away from farms and growing. but something in me was determined. i spoke with a friend, Jonas, who knew about "growing things". He explained how to get started, the tools, the process, the nurturing. He told me how watermelons had to be started in cup first. little cups filled with just enough dirt and really saturated daily with water. He told me how they would need sun. He told me how one day they would be too big for the cups and need to be transplanted to the real earth. He told me how it would take all summer. He told me he would set aside space for me in his garden for the great transplant, the growing, and the harvest.

And so i started. I got the little cups. I planted my packet of watermelon seeds. I started watering. two weeks went by and my little cups were just alters of mud. but one scrunchy morning i came out to those little cup to the birth of my first watermelon sapling.

From that day on love grew those seeds. I found myself rushing home to check them, re-arranging them in the sun for "perfect exposure", even reading bible verses to them (isaiah of course)... and grow they did. Soon they were to big for their cups and i drove them out to the farm... the real earth. I have never been so nervous to hand off my babies into the hands of another. but hand off i had too.

the rest of the summer was spent letting the watermelons "go native"... watermelons need room. to spread out, to go viney, to frutify... i would go out and check my watermelons like a mother checks her baby. I would take people to visit them. I was so proud....

oh the day the fruit was visible! but still i had to wait. blazing summer days began to turn to crisp autumn opportunities.... then the time came...

The watermelons were harvested. I planned a special party that night in honor of my full grown watermelons. my friends joined me in laugh and enjoying the blessing... cutting into that first watermelon, letting my lips glisten with the taste of my first harvest was a mixture of pride, honor, satisfaction, and respect.

is discipleship like growing watermelon seeds?

be inspired by your childhood!

2010-07-21T23:08:00.004+01:00

So recently i have been listening to a children's radio show called Adventures in Odyssey. For all you oldies out there.... you will know what i am talking about. In reality it has just been so much fun laughing at all the old jokes and concepts, that as a kids, would have me in stitches.

then i went to community dinner at the Chapins house. They are a lovely family with 4 beautiful daughters. I love going around their house on sundays because there house is buzzing with life and excitement, as these girls are on the edge of living life! The beautiful way the girls creatively attack life has me craving for the sweet childhood love of dreaming and hope.

summer is an amazing time to remenise about childhood dreams and hopes. recently someone asked me what i dreamed of doing as a child. I had to laugh out loud as i remember my biggest dream was inspired from two favorite childhood movies of Annie and Peter Pan. I remember wanting to run an orphanage for young people that made them as happy and content as Peter Pan was in Neverland.... I was crushed when i had asked about orphanages and was told they didn't exist in America....

Lately God has been inspiring this dream in me again. I had wanted this dream so badly as a child that when i was told it was impossible i kinda of whip lashed the other direction and avoid youth work and hospitality in an effort to ease the pain of letting go of my first love.

It was a mighty jolt to have someone re-ask... what did you dream of doing as a child... and even more shocking to realize that that dream of housing young people in places of deep imagination and safety are not as far off as I once thought.

I think its important for everyone to ask themselves that question multiple times in life "What did you want to do as a Child?" and then really try ask yourself "how can i bring my childhood dream of living into my life now?".... it such a powerful way of reconnecting with the passions of your heart! TRUST ME!

field work

2010-07-12T00:24:00.002+01:00

so i've had to manage putting together some practical "field work" for my graduate program that allows me to interact with a culture that is not my own and be involved in a social justice project. Oddly, it has come together. I will be spending a large majority of my summer working with two organizations. Hosteling International (HI) and YouthCare. I will be working with HI's program director to help sustain some cultural awareness programs, i'm very excited to work with them because hosteling is something I love to do and if done responsibly I think could change the world.

The other organization. YouhCare, happened more randomly and sporadically, so i know it is probably more of a God thing. YouthCare works with homeless youth in Seattle. I am looking into helping serve with one of their local transitional housing projects. They are really interested in having people help at a new house, that just so happens to be working with young homeless girls that were involved in prostitution. I am very excited to work with them and spend this summer building relationship and just widening my world view/ experience in the area of helping build homes for the abused.

Its going to be manic that is for sure. Steve comes in 3 days and I am soooo excited to just be 3 days ahead of myself! hahaha...

its going to be a good summer!

Deposit Down = Community House

2010-07-07T02:25:00.003+01:00

I went today and put down our deposit for a community house. It is a four bedroom unit. Nice and tight... very cute. Its in the Central district of Seattle... so smack in the middle of the city. I think there are four people committed. Tiffany, Jessica, Caleb, and myself. I am from the midwest, Jessica is from the Seattle area, Tiffany is from California, and Caleb is from Africa... it for sure will be an interesting mix.

Jessica has been in Malawi all summer, she gets back in august.

Tiffany and I have been meeting all summer praying for our community house and it is feel very exciting and peaceful.

More fun stories to follow i am sure, but your prayers for our community house and soon to be new community are for sure needed! We want to be intentional about prayer and community dinners and discipleship. It should be big!

PEACE!

Hello and Good-byes!

2010-07-06T03:09:00.003+01:00

This summer has been such a weird summer of really excited, really bummed, really happy, and really sad.

I am really excited for all my classmates and the adventures we are all going on this summer. A part of my program is that we have two months this summer to go and experience other cultures and get involved with a social justice project. Most of my class mates are off to those far way places most of us just dream of. Kenya, Thailand, Malawi, India, S. Africa, Bangladesh... and so many more. A few others of us are holding down the fort here in the Seattle area, getting involved with the other cultures that are right here. Some of us are working with refugees, sex-trafficking, the homeless. I personally am trying to put together a combination of working with a hostel organization as well as volunteer with a local youth housing shelter. Both are coming together though it is still slightly up in the air how it will work out... (nothing like last min or anything).

I'm a bit bummed because i really do love traveling. I so love seeing other places and meeting new people and the thought of not getting to do that this summer is a bit disappointing, but I am excited to learn the value in the place I am and to remember that you don't always have to travel thousands of miles away to learn about other cultures and get involved in social justice.

I'm really happy because in just 9 short days Steve Lawton arrives and gets to stay with me for 6 whole weeks. I am really excited for us to just get to spend a bit of quality time together. So much of his visits before have had such "big" events. The first time he came... was, well, the FIRST TIME HE CAME! Then the second time he came we were going to Chicago to meet my family... which was just a big moment. But this time we just get to have fun and spend time together which should be awesome!

I'm really sad because summer just last for a season and sometimes i want it to go on forever!! I am missing being in the midwest where it gets proper sunny and HOT (on the 4th of july i was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt... that was first). I am sad to say good bye to some of my really good friends for a summer. I know it will go by fast, but I love this crew out here and will miss calling them, getting cheep drinks, and having random long night hang outs! i'm sad because its been a complete year that i have been gone from england and i miss my besties there and really just want that normal life back.

So yeh... life is as it should be. A healthy mixture of excited and bummed, happy and sad... just enough unknown and weird to make life unexpected, interesting, and hopeful!

summer on... summer on!

Trauma!!

2010-07-01T11:21:00.005+01:00

so it all started very innocently with laundry.... well there really is nothing innocent about my laundry... the evil way it just stacks ups week after week and becomes a hideous monster is just pure evil...

but I digress...

so there i was in the laundry room. two massive loads of laundry finally done and out of the dryer. I really should consider myself blessed to live in the basement because the coin washer/dyers are just a few doors down... but i still find it annoying that i have to take my laundry down there... oh the day that i own a washing machine again!

anyways...

so as i was piling these two loads of laundry chin high into my laundry basket, i was patting myself on the back for being able to make this trip back to my apartment in one go... as i went to leave the laundry room i was caught in a bit of a conundrum. All of my body was focusing on teetering and compacting my laundry into a much to small laundry basket... but i needed to shut off the laundry room light and shut the door...

i decided then and there that the best plan of action would be to use my face to shut off the light switch... one simple swoop in and i was hooked... LITERALLY! my nose ring caught on the light switch and in an effort to release myself i ended up yanking it, along with a bit of my flesh, out!

ahhhhhhh, laundry down, nose ring out, blood everywhere (ok there really wasn't blood everywhere, but it felt like there should be blood everywhere!!!)

Laundry abandoned, I ran back to my apartment, sure as anything, that my nose would be a mangled mess of blood and ripped cartilage... but thanks to the sweet baby Jesus (who coincidentally i believe grew up being fully man/fully God and who completed three year of ministry before he was murdered, raised, and is now reigning in heaven, all for the restoration of the world's (i.e. my) sins).... where was i in this story!?!? ah yes so... my nose was not as bad as it felt... there was blood to be sure, but the hole in my nose was of normal size... thanx to my lucky stash of spare facial jewelry I had an new ring in and it is as good as new...though it has gotten a bit red and is very much tender to the touch....

sheeeeeeeshhhh....

all in the name of LAUNDRY... see, i told you, my laundry is evil... pure evil!

Detox!

2010-06-30T11:17:00.003+01:00

so once a year... as every good health professional knows.... its good to do a little spring cleaning. i had a think about it and decided to do a nice and simple Raw Food Body Detox!

the process shall cleanse my liver and allow me to more easily digest food and provided appropriate nutrition to my body. The first day of only eating raw fruits and veggies has been intense. i kept being like "i'm still hungry"...

we are talking about a girl that normally gets her fill on dairies and breads.... hmmm being satisfied just from mother earth!?!?! is it possible!!!???

this also got me to wondering about how spiritually i could do with a little detox as well.... which then brought up the topic of fasting... i think i do fasting wrong. because i was realizing today, as i was body detoxing and as hungry as hell, that i was fasting from certain favorites... like CHEESE! to give my body a little jump start into healthy mode... but was also being allowed to eat as many veggies and fruits as i wanted.

i always struggle eating veggies... but give me fruit and i am one happy girl. This got me to thinking. I really should fast something, but choose something i really like doing, but never get around to doing as my added in "free for all"... now i just gotta think what i wanna do... hmmmm

Dear Transit 09/10

2010-06-28T10:25:00.006+01:00

once upon a time there were four girls... they all lived in a big house... in the center of a not so big town. they came to do something big, but loads of times they felt like they just stood still.

What

How

Why???

The longer they lived in that house together, the more "doing big" took from them. first sweat, then tears, then blood.

But doing also gave. It surprised the girls, because each had to do in a way they never had before. The leader had to serve, the silent had to speak, the loud had to be silent, the servant had to lead. but through their weaknesses, they learned prayer brought Power.

at first it was hard to find that rhythm of Power. The Power always seemed to ask the opposite of what each girl felt like she was able to give. The Power push them, it stretch them, it formed them... and before each girl knew it... their weaknesses became theirs strengths.

and in a moment they realized they were called to fight.... to the most holy of battles.

their identity no longer as observers, but as warriors. their battle position... on their knees.

their duty

to defend

to protect

to recover...

the broken, the forgotten, the hurt, the abused, the lonely.... not only in deed but in SPIRIT!

Day and night they did not leave their post, but faith they lived through victories and defeat. They realied on each others encouragement to spur them on and each battle strengthened and motived them. They covered much ground, they claimed many. But there was so much more to do!

Soon their post became a place. a shelter. a home.

the broken their friends, the forgotten their loved ones, the hurt their allies, the abused their support, the lonely their family. When the girls saw they would be called to other battles in other places they gathered.... this time for the future of what they hoped and dreamed for their home...

and as in times before, they called out, but this time for faithful replacements, for stronger forces, for MORE!

their prayers became Power and each girl gentle let go...

and they came... the new, the faithful, the strong, The More! Six all together... and they did not hesitate in grabbing the opportunities that had been laid before them...

battles were fought, time moved on.

and one day, on the back of a gale force wind, each of the four girls, in their new battles, in their new places, in their new homes, heard the echos of a great celebration. And on the twirling wind they heard the whispers of what The 6 More had done. How they had honored the work of the four girls and more genuinely reflected the Power..... how The 6 More had been great warriors and had served their post, their cause, their home well! The broken were mended, the forgotten remembered, the hurt healed, the abused cared for, the lonely welcomed. The four girls were amazed by how The 6 More had done even bigger then they had ever hopped or imagined!

and as each of the girls knelt to do battle in their new post, they were encouraged, inspired, and motivated by the lives of The 6 More.... and they called out "Well done, Well done" in which the very heavens replied "My good and faithful servants!"

(this photo was taken by Alana Wiens, I stole it from her fb)

xxxx

thank you so much transit 09/10 for being faithful in your lives and beautifully reflecting the prayers of MORE that Carla, Gemma, Charl, and I cried out for! you have blessed us so much! and you have no idea how incredible it is to see my prayers, for real, being lived!

oh and if it already hasn't been said "you better effing hold on, because God has even MORE! this is only the beginning!"

the sun

2010-06-25T09:46:00.004+01:00

i don't know about you, but the sun makes me 100% happier. I had to take the bus to class today and normally the bus ride is a free opportunity to just check out of thinking and life.

but today it was so much fun being on the bus. the sun was so amazing, and the way it just covered everything in happiness had me laughing out loud... seriously!

the most amazing was realizing that the 520 bridge has these amazing little canals that are covered with lilly pads... and i saw people canoeing! i really have decided that one of my summer adventures is to figure out how i can rent a canoe and go on one of these said adventures! i love how much the sun makes me actually see the nature that normally I just let blur by...

I FREAKIN LOVE SUMMER!

oh and steve comes in 19 days, so i am pretty much exploding with excitement!!!

p.s. i found some goggles while i was walking through the park and have decided they are my new summer look... wore them to class and everything... wink wink!

beanie!

good day!

2010-06-24T05:36:00.002+01:00

ahhh it was a really good day today.

i went this morning to look at a potential "community house" ... i absolutely fell in love with it... but you know, we are just trying not latch on. But it was just this perfectly charming apt. It is in this big 1900s house. The house has been broken down into 9 different units... we looked at a 3 bedroom apt and then a 4 bedroom unit that was in the back ... as the "servant house" mwahahahaha!

but it just felt like such a good vibe to a community. Tiffany and I both were laughing and bubbling the whole way through the apartment tours and are so excited by the potential. Even as the renter was telling us about our potential neighbor we were smiling ear to ear... a group of girls working with americore, a single mom with two kids, and a guy that runs a half way house for drug addicts... we put in an application and sent out appropriate e-mails so here is hoping.

then i got to go to a creativity lesson... This guy Rob Gregerson, that I met through a random matrix of connections, is teaching me the are of discovering my creativity. It was one of the best experiences! We talked about how there is this essense in each one of us that wants to flow out of us. He likened it to water. He said this potential "water" that wants to flow out of us is creativity and prayer!!! how amazing is that!

we then talked about how important it is to remember that we are called to be vessels and that, even more importantly, we are called to be these transparent vessels that simple show who God is through us! it was absolutely brilliant.

It was so helpful and I left there kinda scared and sooo excited. I have homework to do these "Morning Pages" where in the morning I have to write a full pages of just any, and everything, that is on my mind... no matter how crazy, weird, messed up, it is... we practiced as well and it was intense... i ended up writing loads of questions and fears i have about love... which is soo interesting.

then i had to go to the east side and see about getting my car fixed... I got a 99¢ chicken burrito from taco bell!!! yum! then had the honor of driving home in rush hour traffic... so yeh for the warm sun and a loud radio...

then i called my mom... had a little chit chat! then wrote a paper... and now i am off to work!

holllahhhh out for wednesdays... they be good! ;)

NO!

2010-06-21T05:41:00.003+01:00

have you ever noticed how many no signs there are in the world?

NO PARKING

NO LOITERING

NO TRESPASSING

NO DOGS

NO ENTRY

NO SMOKING

NO SKATING

NO U-TURNS

NO PICTURES

NO TOUCHING

NO DRINKS

NO FOOD

is it just me or does sometimes life just seem like a big NO SIGN!

hahaha i was walking down the street and i just wanted to put up loads of yes signs...

Please Park Here

Yes Loiter Here

Trespassing Welcome

Yes Dogs!

Enter Here

Yes Smoking

Yes Skating

Yes U Turn

Yes Pictures

Touch all you want!

Please Drink

Yes Food!

what a life it would be!!!

the end of Act 2

2010-06-17T10:07:00.003+01:00

so we went and scoped out a community house yesterday. We prayed a bit about being able to hear God's voice really clearly. Easy enough to say we totally did. The house was fine, but just not our home... both Tiffany and I knew it straight after... so the search is on...

but as we were praying for the community, i re-read the end bit of acts 2

They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.

I always have been such a hater when it come to those seeker sensitive churches and people that ask the questions like "do people like what they see?"... i think in the long run this is coming from a desire to not be about pleasing people, but pleasing God... but that being said this week i really started asking myself the question "Do people like the expression of Church they are seeing me live?"

I am starting to realize that righteousness, light, and good is attractive. sometimes christians share their faith as if it is a disease. Often we apologize over and over for our faith or the lifestyle it calls us to. Obviously this comes from a history of Christians that have claimed the name of Christ as they carried out various evils in our world, but alas I really want to enter a season of living where the church is attractive... not in a watered down, pathetic sort of way, but in a challenging, serving, and loving sort of way.

where those word quoted above "People in general liked what they saw." really does lead to the next statement and "Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved."

in exactly one month!

2010-06-14T10:21:00.004+01:00

Yeh!

in exactly one month Steve come to stay with me for 6 weeks. I am sooo excited to have him around for a big chuck of my most favorite time of year... and if this week is any reflection of how beautiful seattle weather is going to be ... then darn right we are going to have a good time.

Its really cool too because life is just really coming together. Classes are moving right along, my practicum is completely up in the air, i have zero idea what direction my thesis is going, i put amazing fairy lights up above my bed, i've learned where the grocery store, the cheesecake factory, and my good friend Jenny lives in reference to my new apt, steve possibly has a place to volunteer with this summer, i'v found a guy to take creative lessons (thesis focused) from, we've been praying regularly as a community ... and life just seems really peaceful.

sometimes i think i should stress more, but what good has that ever done?

So summer here we go... steve's coming, the sun is out, school is winding down, my creative mind is gearing up, and prayer is happening... life is on!

fyi: when the seattle bus tunnel is going to be closed for engineer work... the least they could do is post on the gate the new pick up location... missed my darn bus for work :(

p.s. i really love steve lawton!

sex trafficking in my face

2010-06-14T02:07:00.003+01:00

this weekend i joined a friend of mine who is helping host an event at a club in downtown seattle. The event "Defend and Empower" is a benefit to stop sex trafficking in Thailand. I am so pumped by the idea of bringing really relevant ways to this generation to make a difference. "Clubbing with a Difference" is like my version of heaven.

So this weekend we prettied ourselves up and hit up the streets of seattle to get people excited about coming next weekend for this event. Let me just say, me and flyering goes together like peanut butter and jelly, like burt and ernie, like rapper and gold chains! I was having so much fun dashing here and dashing there... chatting with people... and seeing a few domestics!

As we rounded one of our last corners, a big ol' white Escalade was parked up. Most the girls were chatting with another group and as they did this man all swaggered out of the car. He was dressed head to toe in the most flashy red outfit. Red velvet jacket, white suit pants, an shiny red shoes... the shoes were freaking amazing... so as he stepped out of this escalade i was like "wooooahh nice shoes!"

as i was saying this the rest of the girls in my group were coming up to me and this guys was like "ahhh beautiful ladies" can i get a picture.... in the events that followed we witnessed not only a full on pimp at work, but also saw one of the girls he was working.

I have been around what i assumed was sex trafficking before, just as i have been in other clubbing places of the world. But this was the first time i full on chatted with a pimp and actually came face to face with a young women who was obviously being used and abused (though from appearance she just looked like a fully gorgeous women, her eyes told another story..)

as we moved away, and rang a hot line to report this sex trafficking incident, and then quickly had to mingle into a club crowd as we were being followed by some shady guy that had been working with the pimp... i was freaking messed up.

sex trafficking is one thing, but sex trafficking in my face took on a whole different meaning. I have a few really good friends that are pretty hard core about stopping sex trafficking and after my experience last night i totally understand them more.

I've been praying lately to have a deeper understanding of what life in seattle is like. again, the beautifully hidden suffering stirs my heart in a way that brings both pain and passion!

I am so excited for the Defend and Empower event if that is what just went on when we went and handed out flyers... i can only imagine what is coming next! scared and excited! totally need to be covering this one in prayer!

5 pairs of feet

2010-06-11T05:03:00.001+01:00

I very rarely consider my feet

Or how they help me live my life

With a certain rhythm and beat

Or how they reflect my privileged life,

the American standard I meet.

That is until I saw their five pairs of feet

Huddle together trying to fight my life’s

Rhythm and beat,

Being reminded of their lack of privilege

And “failure” of standards to meet.

And so young

Dirty, mismatched, wet, and cold

My feet had to pause

at the story their feet told

Suddenly my heart wasn’t so bold

And the rhythm I live got really old

The tears that came were selfish

Blankets, new socks, a bath???

All I really wanted was to hide those feet away

To simply move their pain out of my way

To empty my guilt from that public doorway

And what can I do?

Our feet all walk this same street,

Trying to get in the same rhythm and beat,

Struggling to find a place to simply meet

How I love and dread those five pairs of feet…