this weekend i joined a friend of mine who is helping host an event at a club in downtown seattle. The event "Defend and Empower" is a benefit to stop sex trafficking in Thailand. I am so pumped by the idea of bringing really relevant ways to this generation to make a difference. "Clubbing with a Difference" is like my version of heaven.

I very rarely consider my feet

Or how they help me live my life

With a certain rhythm and beat

Or how they reflect my privileged life,

the American standard I meet.

That is until I saw their five pairs of feet

Huddle together trying to fight my life’s

Rhythm and beat,

Being reminded of their lack of privilege

And “failure” of standards to meet.

And so young

And so young

And so young

Dirty, mismatched, wet, and cold

My feet had to pause

at the story their feet told

Suddenly my heart wasn’t so bold

And the rhythm I live got really old

The tears that came were selfish

Blankets, new socks, a bath???

All I really wanted was to hide those feet away

To simply move their pain out of my way

To empty my guilt from that public doorway

And what can I do?

Our feet all walk this same street,

Trying to get in the same rhythm and beat,

Struggling to find a place to simply meet

How I love and dread those five pairs of feet…

so wow i have become an expert at dashing to catch the bus.

so i know loads of time i have been told this in my life, that "the church is not a building". And i know lately i have been all about how church needs to not focus on the individual over the collective. But i was reading a book the other day on hospitality... it is a brilliant read. "Untamed Hospitality: Welcoming God and Other Strangers" by Elizabeth Newman.

she made this statement

"After all, the church is frequently identified as "the house of God". In scripture, in fact, it is not so much that Christians have a house as that they are a house (1 Peter 2: 4-6); they are knit together in the Spirit into a "dwelling place for God".

It was in the moment of reading this that, i just really stopped and thought of my life. I have always been drawn to the church; how she is, how she lives, how she presents herself a holy bride to the Christ. And above all i just want in.

I never have fit super well into what the traditional church does and more then anything i just find that upsetting and depressing. I love church... i want to be excited about her and being a part of what defines her.

In University I spent a wonderful summer studying the book of Isaiah with one of the best crew of girls i have ever had the honor of running with.

I'll bring them to my holy mountain
and give them joy in my house of prayer.
They'll be welcome to worship the same as the 'insiders,'
to bring burnt offerings and sacrifices to my altar.
Oh yes, my house of worship
will be known as a house of prayer for all people.

Isaiah 56:5-6

this chapter burned into my heart. Sense that moment i have been praying to build this house of prayer. To see this promise fulfilled. To be an insider. Every season of my life i am reminded of this promise that is burned on my heart. But in every season i wonder... when do I get to build this house of prayer for all nation?

As I read through this book... it was one of the biggest "ahhh haaaa" moments of my life. This promise God whispered so beautifully in my ear, has been fulfilled. It was fulfilled the moment i offered my whole self to God and the moment God took up residnecy in my heart. And it had nothing to do with me building anything and everything to do with God forming everything. My individual heart, and its ability to connect through the Spirit to the hearts of all God followers, is the house of prayer... the house of prayer for all people (i.e. the church).

It was big moment because, again i realized i will not be building any house of prayer, that it is God who builds this house of prayer. It also was hugely humbling to realize what an honor it is to be loved by God in such an extreme way that he would allow me to be involved in the church by actually "being the church"!!

And so again, i find myself re-visiting and re- understand the vision and mission of becoming a "house of prayer for all people", a place of welcoming the lost, of caring for the outsiders, of living out hospitality with kingdom value.

I just loved having the girls here the last two weeks. To say the least, me living on my own has been one of the hardest things of my life... as one of my old roomies from college used to say "Tina you get energy from people".

And that would be the truth.

Finding my energy in God while i live alone has been quite a scavenger hunt. But God and i have been doing fairly well. Moving to my new place in the cit just connects a lot of dots for me. I love doing things that scare me or new adventures, and moving to the city on my own was definitely a new and scary adventure.

I was surprised at how nervous and unsure i was as a 26 year old woman. I definitely remember as a teenager thinking that by the time i was 21 I would finally have that fearlessness that adults have... its been quite the experience learning that loads of fears and uncertainties I had growing up just kinda follow me into adulthood.

Needless to say, i don't want to live my life controlled by fear. I also really just wanted to take on that independence i always spout off about. Usually i find myself wanting to be independent, but really just moving from one place of dependence to the next. It was good to crazy dig into my independence and then have God super reveal to me the importance of dependence and how western culture might just have it wrong in promoting all this individualism.

All that to say... coming full circle these last two weeks and just being able to enjoy the company of two very special women, Hannah Lawton and Claire Ballah, has been in a word incredible (for sure!). The joy of praying together, talking about life, laughing, making dinners together, sharing a very tiny bathroom....

it was a beautiful thing.

This June, and through to the end of august, i have committed to pray every tuesday night for community, living, and relationships. A group of my friends and I are going into a round two of asking God if it would be cool for us to join in some of the work he is doing by starting a community house. I'm not sure if it will happen... but all in all... i feel really positive about whatever God has planned...

Then came the end of the two weeks... bags were packed, notes were written, celebration pho was eaten, and lastly good byes were said...

GOOD? bye?....

i've always struggled with this statement. What about saying bye is good!?!? Hannah and i got to pray a bit before she took off and as we read through chapter 3 of 2 timothy we were reminded that God wants us to live joyfully... even in suffering, or pain, or the tuff stuff of life...

God calls us to be counter-cultural, to be different, to be set apart.

It would be so easy to spend these days, after a tearful good bye, drowning in my sadness, but that really wouldn't reflect the time i had with the girls; the great memories we made, the ways we deeply inspired each other to dig more into our faith journey's, or the hopeful futures we dreamed up.

So i choose Joy... because when i look back to what God and I have scavenger hunted around for... the realization is that it is Joy in all things... in every place... in what ever situation... because bottom line... God is joy!

so wow time flies when you are having fun!

12 days ago hannah and claire arrive with there little tired english faces. we spent a glorious week exploring ever shopping venue with in the greater seattle area... as well as fitting in a bit of time to see the sights. my favorite day was probably going to the mall one day and randomly deciding that we would be super heros known as "tripod"... its seem most fitting when i naturally yelled out to claire across a shop "T1 we are ready to go" ahh the beauty of robotic super hero nick names... plus we came up with a pretty sweet arm gang sign... TRIPOD!

then clairie had to go home. :(

it was a sad day... hannah and i just kept watching claire walk away being like "seriously? she is going?"

we consoled ourselves by getting Taco Bell... yum...

Then this week has just flown by... we spent a day hanging about in seattle... hannah and i got pretty and went out in Capitol Hill .. which might i add was very complimentary to our outfits... wink da la wink!

then we drove down to moses lake... prolly the worse expression of an american camp ground i ever did lay eyes on... but camping still the same. the best and worst moment... "the sun bit my face"

haha so i got a little over excited about the sun being out and stay out a bit long... and came back a little crispy! and i dragged poor hannah along too... and you know how english fair in the sun... double sad face!

but we managed to fill the rest of the weekend with tree climbing, card games, camp fires, running spoons, rolling down hill, eating s'mores, and adding vodka to english tea (say wot!?!? yes it happened... and it taste oooo so good!)

then monday we woke are little selves up early and headed back and were shocked to find that traffic back was not the nightmare that had been described to us. so hannah and i were able to get all the laundry done, eat green pizza, find ice cream, go shopping, facebook, and figure out that according to the stars, Steve and I are a good match (thank God!).

Profound questions of these last two weeks:

Claire: How do you zoom this camera?

Tina: Is this chocolate suppose to taste like foot fungus?

Claire: What are the different ways eggs come?

Emergent Church Group: If you were going to lead a church what would it do?

Hannah: Are you putting vodka in your tea?

Jess: Is it more biblical to be single or to be married?

Hannah: What did that guy say at the fire... why do you always have to be the retarded kid?

Tina: Is there fair trade make-up?

Tina: Can you see up the trolls nose?

Jello-Shot man at neighboring campsite: Do you have dogs in england?

Mexian man at campfire: want to green?

Tina: Where is 608 Summit?

Tina: Where are all the buses?

Tina: Why are there no buses?

Tina: Why is this bus going that way?



Tina: Why do good-byes have to suck so much???