As i lay on the couch yesterday... completely drained of all energy... bemoaning my life... i thought to myself. "What a waste of a day". And then it hit me. The day would only be a waste if i made it that way. I've been running around like crazy this last month. no time to stop and consider a lot of the life lessons i have been learning. As i lay on the couch, i started thinking over this first term as a transit student here in Corringham, Essex. It has been really amazing, but some days were just plain were hell to get through. From the loss of identity in my job, to a whole new role in friendships; this first terms has really challenged me. Back home i was so use to be very independent. Even among my group of friends and co-workers i was the one leading the way and coming up with activities to do. People looked to me to take charge and come up with the plans and because they did life was  golden. Here, it is a completely different story. I can't function as an independent individual. Not only do i have to consider the people around me, but i've had to learn what it means to follow and listen. Two of the hardest things for me to do. Here my ideas are not the best, the brightest or the newest. 

   Overall i can't believe how much satisfaction i got out of life by making other people think i was a good person. Here, the people are so amazingly focused on God and doing things for the right reason... that when i try and do "good things" to make people think highly of me... it totally just flops right to the floor. For a while, i was feeling completely out of place because i felt like i have nothing to offer this new community that i am living with. They could out give me, out smile me, out plan me... it was beyond any situation i have ever been in. 

   Finally i had to realize the importance of doing all things "unto the Lord". Which is really hard. Taking myself out of the center was something i talked about all the time and thought i had done time and time before. but here i find myself, yet again needing to do the same thing. I live such a circular lifestyle... i really don't know what to say out that, but as i lay sick on the couch thinking what a waste of the day it was, i decided to make the most of being sick. I couldn't do much of anything, but in between moments of dizziness and aching back i had some really good conversations with God. Being sick slowed me down enough on friday to just soak in some God conversation with God. In the end the reflection and time to chat with God was exactly what i need over this weekend! So cheers to being sick in a new month!