the question on my lips...

Posted by Teen Bean

so the real question is can i pack all my stuff up in one day? here is hoping so!! so the plan is as follows... PURGE! i have only lived in this country for 10 months and people on a whole would be shocked by the sheer amount of crap i have accumulated. And the weird thing is i feel like i kept getting rid of things... but the fruit of that labor is so not evident! reeeeeee!

so i just had one of the most lovely days ever. a satisfying day reviewing over all the things we have learned in our transit year. It was so surprising to realize how much we really have learned. Then we just had a super long and relaxing afternoon just chillaxing in the garden, drinking beers, laughing, watching wimbeldon... it was beautiful. we had amazing roast dinner and then i just laid in the prayer room reading through 2 peter loving that i am so free at this time of my live... trying to absorb every moment i could. We ate a beautiful roast dinner in the garden and just really enjoyed each others company. 

i think my most fav part of the evening was when Peggy, this 80 something year old lady in our community, wobbled into the prayer room. I was finishing filling out an application for a job. She and i just casually chatted about jobs and applying for jobs... then in just the most simple and natural way we asked if we could pray for each other. So different are our lives... yet in that moment things between us were not so different. Just two people wanting to worship God, surrender to his will, and be radical for him. It was one of the most powerful prayer times i have ever had and i so appreciated her faithfulness and determination. We asked for God to meet each others needs and called out for blessing in each others lives and spent some quality time encouraging each other in this journey we are on in Christ. I'm going to miss Peggy loads and in that moment i just wished i had been more intentional in knowing everyone just that much more....  hmmm I'm glad one of the promises God has given us is eternal life with him in his Kingdom... rocking that life in the kingdom to come with peggy is a hope i now cling to!! 

good times!

did 'ere such love and sorrow meet!

Posted by Teen Bean

Over this weekend i have had one of the best and worst times. Friday we spent the whole day getting ready for our "oscar party" that we were going to have on saturday night. The theme of the Oscar night was Golden Gnomes and it was so much fun to put together. I had to go to the mac store the other day to get my laptop iphoto program sorted and while i was there i found out that over this year i took over 9,000 photos! ha ha, it has been a incredibly photographed year. So from this plethora of photos i spent much of friday and saturday putting together loads of photos and films and choosing music. It was so much fun to go through all the pictures of this year and just remember how great of a year it was.

Then on saturday night it was such a glamorous event. Claire, the sister of my of my most favorite people Hannah, came over and did all of our hair and make up. She rocked into our house with her magic bag and by the time she left we all were chic and famous. We spent the night sipping on wine, laughing through memories, saying thank you's, and smiling for loads of photos. After the main party left, we all went into the boiler house and had a famous time drinking tea, eating donuts, and playing poker. It was one of the best nights of my life. 

Sunday morning i rolled out of bed, quite shattered from the day before. I was quite proud of myself and how well i had kept my emotions all in check. But then Sunday morning came. TCF church was amazing. They were so supporting in our year out and all the work we have done. They asked to pray for us and we had such a beautiful time being blessed. Then the moment. Jon Freeman one of the leaders, asked everyone to stand and give us an applause... it was one of those moments in life that I will remember forever. All the Great Ones, the wise leaders of this community, the dedicated, the pure of heart... with out any hesitation they stood to their feet and applauded our team. It was such an honor and such a push to keep on living and loving God. It was in that moment that i realized what living for Christ is all about. It more than just me and what is going on in my life... this life and living really makes a difference. As I looked out at Gods holy people... all of them beaming with pride at me and my little life... i realized how much God knew what he was doing and how much i want to live my life well so that at the end of this time i can hear Him say "well done my good and faithful servant"!! As i stood their arms around my team crying, hugging, and holding on to some of the last moments we had together, i to felt a deep sense of satisfaction with this year and what God has allowed me to be involved in.

As we entered a time of worship with TCF church we sang a beautiful old hymn. one of the lines sang "did 'ere such love and sorrow meet". i'd sung that song hundreds of times as a kid in church ... but in that moment, i felt a deeper understanding of those words then i ever have before. I realized that those two emotions can exist together and though they take all my attention, if i invest them in my relationship with Christ, they will form my character into one that Christ will look on and be satisfied in.

shatterd and friday

Posted by Teen Bean

What a day to tackle and totally tired. so i had a friend hannah over last night and true to girl form we stayed up late in the night chatting about none sense. Hannah informed me the next day that the sentences and rational that i had last night must have been directly related to my over tiredness... after re-thinking the rants i went on... i think i am forced to agree! 

so that being said, i woke up bright and early to chase down a tent, trudging it to the boiler house, get way hot and sweaty setting it up, chase back to mine to put together video footage for our good bye Oscar party that is tomorrow, and then rock up for our last night of Friday prayer walking. All through the day i just kept thinking "good-bye" and this is the random odd feeling "it felt good to say good bye". Hmm i heard through out this week a few more friends stories and a few more friends life decision for next year. the odd thing is everyone really seems to be doing what it is that i would say most suits them... and it feels good to say good bye to england for now. I want to push into this last week and in some ways i totally feel that i am. but i can't say how right it feels to just really let go of this place. I started realizing that i'm not suppose to plan out life at all.. and that feels so good. 

i have no idea where life is going, who i will meet, how i will fit in, what work God will get me up to, who goes with me or not....  but that is what i really want. i want this life to be a mystery to be and adventure, to be crazy... and here we go... fully trusting God, fully scared, and fully ready for this!

Random day in London!

Posted by Teen Bean

So this saturday i was looking forward to a day of nothing. Having just gone through a semi- busy week i was thinking... i just want to stay in bed all day. Friday some of the girls had been over (after prayer walking which rocked) and i was like dude i want to get my necked pierced... everyone is against it, but i really don't care. So the one thing i was going to do on saturday was go and get this piercing....

so 1030am rolls around and my lazy butt is still in bed. the sun was shining uber bright so i couldn't get back to sleep so i grogely roll over and snatch up my lap top... really i wanted to watch my favorite saturday morning cartoons so i was going to see what youtube had to offer on this subject.. but of course before getting to youtube my e-mail and fb did distract. 

a girl i had met in amsterdam was on-line as well and we started instant chatting. Before i knew it i found out that she randomly had come to London on her vacation week and was wondering if i could meet up with her. I considered my laying in bed option and piercing activity and soon decided a trip into london was for the best. One quick shower and train ride later i was sitting outside Tower Hill tube station as i waited for my friend to get across london.

As i sat and waited i decided to bide my time with my recently received copy of the vision and the vow. before i knew it i was completely engrossed really understanding that our vision should be Jesus. I was completely awed by the simple questions that were being asked. I was asked if "i really loved Jesus" but then i was asked the even harder question... " what made me happy that week" it was at that moment that i realized how not centered on christ my happiness is. then i was asked again "do you even like Jesus?" it was in that moment... as the masses of people passed in an out of Tower Hill that the answer was with out question "YES!" but the reality of my life was that i should it very poorly. In that moment i was so challenged to reacess my life. 

What am i chasing after? what really makes me happy? How do i show jesus i love him? I spent some time praying in that moment out side Tower Hill as i waited for my friend to show up.  10 min later i was happily reunited with an amazing friend and we rocked up to a near by starbucks (which happened to be in this beautiful gazebo... so we renamed it a "starbo"). We then spent the better part of 2 hours sharing stories of how God has showed up in our lives sense the last time we met. We had the chance to encourage each other, challenge each other, support each other. I found myself instantly connected with her and her journey while completely rocking on my journey as well... Is our God big or what. 

We then spent some time seeing the greater sights of london... slammin through the ever famous Camdon Market. Our conversation took us through the journey i have been on this past year with the Boiler House community i have lived in and before i knew it... the two of us were catching a train back to my england home so i could show her around the Stanford Boiler House. Once we got there i shared mores and more of my journey. We shook it up to my place and had some dinner, laughing through fun memories of my short time volunteering at The Shelter in Amsterdam and connected my friendship there with my friendships here. 

We then walked back to the train station and spend the next half hour just drowning our selves in one of the best united prayer times i've had. We spoke into each other lives, stabblized our faith, built each other up with encouragement, and just poured christ love out on each other. It was beautiful, we rocked up to the train station with 2 min to spare. Said quick good byes and one meaningful hug later and she was zooming back to life in amsterdam and i walking back to my house on the other side of this little english town that has become my home.

it was at that moment that i just realized how freaking big our God is and how much he totally has it all together. Enough to bring the two of us together to speak words to each other that we both needed to hear. It also just made me connect deeply with the beauty of individual journey's we are on and how connected they all are. I have no idea if this beautiful sister in Christ and i will ever see each other again or if our Journeys serving God will cross again... but some how that just didn't matter. The beauty of the lives God called each of us to, the detail he takes to coordinate it all, the love he chooses to shower on us. It just is immense. 

The day was random, the day was meaningful, the day was so God. In the end i just walked away smiling to myself as God yet again showed up in my life and yet again confirmed to me that in the moment that he needs to take me somewhere, he will get me there! Walking through this life doesn't seem scary at all know my big papa God is hold my hand and will get me there. God smiles on my face!