Anyways but the more i went to this Bar N Bus the more i fell in love with the kids and really have just started getting this huge heart for loving on them. So many of these kids just come from really hard home lives. Most of them are 14 years old and they are smoking everything from fags to pot to cocaine, getting drunk on the weekend is the norm, and violence is a common form of entertainment. we are really into the whole relationship building side of showing Christ love and most the time it is really hard. I find myself constantly wanting to just shake God into them. They are all so bored of the normal Godless lives they are living, but at the same time they still haven't started seeking after God either. so there is this intense battle that goes on every thursday night!

the last couple of thursdays have been sooo hard. every thursday we have had to close down early due to the kids starting fights. it is soo hard to leave them or make them leave when that all starts because i feel that those are the times that we really should be engaging with them, getting to know what they are dealing with, and being willing to listen to them. 

so this thursday when i went to the bus there was a rumor that some girl was coming from this other town and was going to knife one of the girls that had been in a fight last week. So the police were out and we were all warned to stay near the bus. It actually was one of the best nights we have had in a while. We were able to have some really good conversations with the kids. i've also learned that i am a task person. i got to work behind the bar at the bus and i just love that. I think its because in my mind i need to have a job that i can start and finish... a defined purpose... and being behind the bar i get that. its also too, why i struggle so much with the building relationships with the kids because you don't meet someone, build trust, get them to open up, and help them learn how to transform their lives for christ all in one night! Its a process! but even being behind this bar, with this defined sense of purpose i learned how important it is to step away from that and build into the relationship side as well. the kids were all happy to chat and help and laugh with me while i was at the bar because of all the times i stood out in the freezing cold, or rain, or snow and chatted with them. ahhh how it all works together!

so tonight a couple girls here (twins to be exact) are having a big ol' happy 21st birthday party... so i am very stoked to get to go and chill out at that. my spring break starts in a week and there is the possibility that i might be traveling to amsterdam over that time to visit a christian mission hostel that is set up there in the red light district. i actually am really looking forward to that... if it happens and if it doesn't, then thats ok too. I'm learning that life is full of door and options to live and we are allowed and even encouraged to try and push open as many doors as possible, but that we need to trust God to allow the doors we are pushing on to open or stay closed. I have been disappointed a few times when i pushed really hard on a few doors and got nothing only to slightly lean against another and have it fly wide open. God does things so much different then i would!!! ha ha

so i will fill you in on weather amsterdam happens or not. well i broke my bed the other day when one of my room mates and i jumped on it too hard, so i had to find a new bed and today i think is the day that i shall do the great swap! ahh how nice is it going to feel to sleep in a fixed and comfy bed?? very well i think! so i should get cracking! love to you all... PEACE!