the school, the saint, the servant

Posted by Teen Bean

Sometimes i refer to life as a journey; a winding path that weaves its way in and out of life situations, up and down life experiences, around and through life adventures. I find myself often pulling out the map of my life and carefully spreading it out on the table and plotting which situations i will go through, which life experiences i want to have, what life adventures i want to go on...

In those moments of planning, life seems so clear. Its like I'm standing at the top of a mountain looking down the winding road; seeing ever turn, ever bridge, every rest point... and eventually my end destination. In those moments I confidently fold up my map, shove it in my back pocket and then with a deep breath i take my first step off the mountain top into my life. But then i find, when i'm walking the road, its hard to see what's really around the next bend, or know the conditions of the bridges i'm going to cross, or remember the distance between each rest... or even why i'm journeying in the first place!

when i'm in my journey, it seems like all i really understand is the point of the journey i am presently at. What my feet are walking on, what my eyes are seeing, what my nose is smelling, what my ears are hearing... they takes all my focus. weather this is good or bad i have yet to really understand, but one positive about living this way is, the joy of being surprised as i walk on my life journey....

one such moment happened yesterday. I had my first day of Grad School yesterday. I rocked up to my first class sporting ripped jeans, a black t-shirt stating "i heart what's his face", and a gehtto tipped hat, because that be where it at! my casual wear was a stark contrast to the ultra conservative and professional wear of my classmates... i was glad.

I slipped into the back of the classroom and started feeling more and more out of place as properly dressed, after properly primped, after properly engaged student walked in the classroom. I wondered where i had brought myself and if i was really into this.

i sat there judging them and this life I voluntarily had entered. But then, slowly, I learned their names, heard their stories, caught sight of the vision. I was absolutely blown away by how right this is for me. The attitude of my fellow students, the openness of my professors, the blending of God in study... it is like nothing i have ever experienced before...

and then the kicker. in the middle of the talk the speaker throws up a picture of Saint Francis...
and i had to stop and chuckle... this saint flippin follows me where ever I go... weather i am doing discipleship in england, to volunteering with homeless youth in minneapolis, to studying in seattle... stories of who he was and what he did seem to find me.... and whisper his life story into my life dream.

a man lead by the voice of God that called out to him saying "Go and build up my house for it is nearly falling down" ... a man willing to surrender his all to help the poor and the hurt. a man on a journey... He modeled his life after our christ which gives it this glow that just attracts me. The famous words of Saint Francis prayer were read to me last night and like a road sign, again, surprised and reminded me fully what i am about and what lies ahead...

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that i may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.


journey on!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at Wednesday, September 02, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


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