can you see the wind?

Posted by Teen Bean

Over this last week i felt like this little kid, standing in a windy field flying a kite... all laughter and skipping, as i teased the wind to chase my playful kite. with ever moment i stood in that field my confidence grew and with it, my desire to fly another kite. First one, then two, then three... why stop adding kites to my play when i find so much pleasure from getting them involved? With a deep sense of satisfaction and normalcy i directed the life of my kites and happily let them dance in the wind that lightly carried them.

but as i lived this week the simple pleasure i had from controlling my kites stopped. I found the wind definitely become a gale force and slowly pleasure became effort. I couldn't laugh, i couldn't skip, i couldn't tease the wind; it took all my focus and all my strength to simply hold the strings of all the kites in that mighty wind.... i couldn't even look up and enjoy the pleasure of their dance.

I wondered a couple times if me holding on to each kite was worth it, grad school, work, friends, boyfriend, life... sometimes it didn't feel like i was the pilot firmly anchored and moving the kites, but more that i was just a mess tangled in string being pulled, dragged, and sometimes freaking lifted off the ground from the power the kites.

the field was still the field, the kites were still the kites, the wind was still the wind, but i didn't know if i was still me!?! or even what i am in me??

Then something clicked in the end bit of this week... my focus was wrong... i was getting all my pleasure from the dance of the kites... i had forgotten to see the wind. i forgot to see how the wind was the reason the kites flew and even more why any of my kites could dance... the wind gave them that freedom...

the wind really deserved the glory!

the end bit of this week kept a very intense stress level. Failure at work, expectation at school, desperation for dreams, friendship support, missing my boyfriend... the focus on each of those kites could be so distracting... or i could see how the wind makes them fly... how the wind makes them dance... how the wind sets them free...

the best part was seeing the wind this week... through a roommates powerful s. korean prayer over fear of failure at work, to a loving phone call from my boyfriend to make me laugh, relax, and be supported, to a spontaneous prayer meeting that started in my room with just me at 5am and carried on to include 4 of my classmates at my early saturday morning class, to vodka and wine confessions of 4 powerful women that sparked a burning passion to be more authentic...

"they were all together in one place. without warning there was a sound like a strong wind, gale force- no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building, then, like a wild fire, the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks, and they started speaking..." Act 2 (the message)

i'm noticing the wind... ha ha i want more people to bring their kites to the field and set their kites to dance... and then i want us all to notice the wind! A gale force!! that lets us dance and sets us free!

This entry was posted on Monday, November 23, 2009 at Monday, November 23, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


Who has seen the wind?
Neither you nor I
But when the trees bow down their heads
The wind is passing by
~ Christina Rossetti

November 28, 2009 at 4:16 AM

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