so wow... this week defines anticipation and expectation. I've just moved to a new home (in the basement of the random, yet wonderful Smith family)... they have a 5 year old girl Sofie that very eagerly wanted to help me move and during our time together she mentioned "a month feels like a year!"

i couldn't agree more. in a time when days feel like months, months feel like years, and years feel like decades... my mind is actually spinning with the question... how did i end up in my future so quickly!?!?

i feel like i just got out here to seattle, just was getting settle and now here i am moving to a new part of time... about to begin exploring all over again... but this time i get to do so with an ultimate bonus of Steve Lawton! Score!!!! ha ha.. lets just say that boyfriends are da bomb! (freak yeah!)

i am wondering as i settle into my new little phase in life... why? it seems pretty straight forward to me how life should go and what i expect...yet.. i often find myself in this moments where i am screaming "can life get any more messy!".... that is until at work i was chatting with one of my fellow co-workers Cathy... explain what a great place i found and how my honey was coming to visit, and how boss it was to finish my first semester of Graduate School...

She was like "wow you can tell you are just one of those people that life just always works out for..." i was like what!?!? my life!?!? work out... right now it feels so un-worked out, how am i going to pay all the bills i have coming in, how am i going to be a part of what God is doing here, how do i help motivate and be motivated to be radical for christ, how do i keep my relationship (long distance and here distance) together, how to i not feel scared to death, how do i be strong... my life? together!?!?!

but then i laughed and realized... how involved God was in my life, finding an apt to rent that not only was open to move into the week of christmas, but from a family so wonderful they went and bought me brand new bedding, to a group of co-workers that constantly support me and encourage me when i feel completely inept, to a boyfriend that drops a large wade of dough just to come and see me, to a little brother who send me a card with his spare changed taped to the inside to 'help out' his big sister woooooaaaaahhhhhh.... my life is way put together... and i just wanted to say ... thanx God...

i was sitting in my room (well my ex-room)... praying and talking with God and got super hungry and went in the kitchen and grabbed a slice of pizza and cup of grape juice... as i walked back to my room i winked at my ex-roomie and joked "going to have some communion with God"... we both laughed but as i went back into my room... that is exactly what i did... its weird ending the first phase of an adventure... all i know is i wanted to give it back to God and also take the time to give this next phase to him... and the strange thing is God is like "just use what you have... nothing more and nothing less"... if that mean having communion with pizza and grape juice... communion away. if it means emptying out a closet to pray in... to do it. if that mean giving up how you would form community and doing it in a completely different way... release and jump in!!!

there were so many time when the shit could have hit the fan this semester... so many times when the person i was before totally would have effed up big time... and it was weird to not want that life anymore... to want something better. something deeper... to still feel totally like the same person as before, when i would just loose control and have to come crawling back to God with oops and sorry streaming from my lips, but this time... the now time... i was like "woah... God we did it!!!"

Not trying to be prideful, but like woah... being intentional... giving what little i did to God made this huge massive difference... and how it whetted my lips.. now all i want to do is be more of that, more intentional, more deep, more real, more sacrificial, more everything... its so scary too because i feel like i'm headed for the front battle lines of a raging war... but oddly safe... hmmm i think we are about to being something...

phase two... begins...

(ahhhhhhhhhhhh and STEVIE is coming!!!!!)