There are times in life when the words used to explain life are not big enough. Over the last 10 days this has never been more true. Having steve come here to visit has been absolutely amazing. we had such a good christmas and such a good New Years it was incredible. It has been such an honor to learn what it really takes to be about loving and respecting someone the way God calls.

We got to do all the fun stuff that i have been to busy to do because of school and work... dinners out, bowling, movies, sunsets, walks, drinks, shopping.... and it was so different and so good to do them with Steve Lawton at my side. And every day that went by we kept just getting more more comfy with each other. the coolest thing was not just loving hanging out with steve lawton my boyfriend, but realizing how much i loved hanging out with Steve Lawton my best friend and forever person.

And steve is such a good boyfriend... spoiled me all week, making me tea, cooking me food, giving me nice things! Every day that passed i got more and more irritated with that phrase "i love you"... it just isn't enough to describe what i feel for steve... how can i be saying the same phrase that i said when we started this week... when i feel so much more now then, then?

there are few times in my life ... ok yeah never... where i've been faced with doing something that every part of me screams no, but I still have to go though with it. Taking steve to the airport was the epitome of heart breaking. The worst was standing at that awful gate and knowing we both, of our own free will, had to choose to walk away from each other. Again i found myself hating on that phrase "i love you" ... looking at steve and trying to say something that was big... to describe what i feel for him, that phrase "i love you" just isn't enough... then the walking away was like walking off a cliff that doesn't have a bottom... my stomach actually was ill at the thought of how harsh it was going to feel when i hit the bottom of that pit!

then the strangest thing happened... as i was walking to the car, trying to brace myself for hitting that bottom, all i could think about was every happy moment we had over the last 10 days... all the fun we had learning about each other, being best friends, making promises to each other... I sat in the car over looking the departure gate and found not one bit of hating at all... but just an overwhelming sense of happiness for all that i just got be a part of .... and at that moment i knew

i am in love... BIG LOVE!

heres to the beginning of my forever!