have you ever just been living life thinking and feeling one age and then in one moment you are catapulted into this reality that the age you thought and felt you are, was soo 10 years ago!?!?

i was watching the bachelor all bedazzled by these women falling for the same guy... as they shot from woman to woman, i was just memorized by the capability, success, and down right grown upness of each of these women... because in one shocking moment i realized that i was older then half of them... what?!!?!

when did that happen... when did the "Adults" on T.V. become my peers... and in loads of cases younger then me? why don't i feel more grown up? I remember being young and thinking of my age now... 26 years old.. damn i knew that the person i would be at that old age would have it all together. the me of sixteen could have painted a pretty detailed picture of what the me at 26 would be... and in that picture i never knew i would still feel so close to being sixteen...

I also thought that the world would be so much more free at 26... i didn't realize that the freest days i lived were the ones that i felt the most caged. oh the twist of irony! haha but really wow, i also didn't know life could be so good either.

back at sixteen love was just a boy to hold hands with, now he's a man to go on a whole life's journey with. back then work was a key to instant riches, now its a means to my very existence. And God was just rules that i had to conform to, now He's my constant forever go to. Back then family was something i had to escape from, now family is the place i get my safety from. back then it was all about being older, now it all about being a bit bolder. then i didn't know the half of me, now i know too much of me. then??? now???

ahhh that place of sixteen... ah this place of twenty-six... who new it'd be so normal?? who knew normal was so good?? who knew growing up was letting go of the idea that when you were "grown up you would have it all" and recognizing when you were young you actually had it all!?? who knew growing up was just getting on? who knew growing up... living the dream is incredible in it every-day- i- can't-handle-yet- i'm-handling- this-ness??

and all i can say is

haha if i'm going to not disappoint the me at sixteen then i have but one thing to accomplish as an "adults"... one finally stroke to add to my painting...

I NEED TO SEE THE EFFLE TOWER!!!! (i promised myself at sixteen i would tour through france one day... and hell i can't let me down now!)