so i've been reading through 2 Corinthians... i know that often we need to be careful when we read the bible that we don't take specific messages that were meant for one people, in one culture, in one time and crazy apply them to our lives...

that being said... i kinda did it anyways while i was reading chapter 8.

"The best thing you can do right now is to finish what you started last year and not let those good intentions grow stale. Your heart's been in the right place all along. You've got what it takes to finish it up, so go to it. Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't. The heart regulates the hands."

it got me to thinking where i was at this time last year. I was living in England, on my discipleships year, crazy committing to God, thinking i would stay on there forever, knowing that for first time ever- by joining in with what God was already doing- i could do things bigger then i ever dreamed or imagined...

and then life journeyed on. my discipleship year ended, i left england, i moved to a seattle, got a new job, started a new graduate program... and then pressed in.

i've had some weird moments along they way... wanting community so bad it became my god- so i lost it. wanting to build the church so bad- it became my idol- so i lost it. learning in a new place that often the worst kinds of sacrifice and pain are not physical but spiritual and also crazy learning the ultimate paradox that while being hungry i can be feed, that while being in pain i can be joyful, while letting go i can be receiving.

and then the kicker- the blinders fell off and i realized indeed i had all the things i was crying out to God for. community through classmates, roommates, and neighbors, pioneering of church through campus prayer nights, saturday coffee shop study sessions, and happy hour crawls... flip, even the community prayer room was provided when i had an "ahhh ha" moment and realized every hospital has a prayer room!

this weekend Sally Harmon comes to visit me. she was one of the leader in the 24-7 Prayer community and i have been stressing a bit. I mean, going on my "transit" year was all about an intensive learning experience of how to be in the real world.

and now...

here i am... but is it enough? did i learn enough from a group of people i admire so much, who sacrificed time, energy, and money on my behalf? for a moment i thought "maybe not.."

but today through, an encouraging letter that Paul wrote to a group of faithful believers in Corinth, God reminded me of where my heart was... where it is. How mostly i care about loving him and giving him glory. i haven't always done it in the right way and sometimes i fall, but more then ever, i know that i have indeed started something in the name of God and by his power and through his promises, i will finish it!