this morning in prayer we had such an amazing time praying about how God has changed us in just the two weeks we have been here in Corringham and it is totally true. I had a bad weekend of holding back and not really dedicating to what i am suppose to do here. Mostly i was just feeling sorry for myself and feeling like there was no way that i could do God the ways these people are doing God. In our God story we studied about Abraham and how much Faith he had. It was really encouraging to me to see that God and Abraham had to talk a couple of times about the promises God made Abraham. It made me realize that we don't just wake up one day and get this great faith or become a super Christian. I mean i knew that, but in some ways i was expecting to just come over here and find that it way easier to be a Christian. and it wasn't. The same stuff i worried about or that got into my head at home... gets into my head here. God and i had this conversation and i really just opened up to him. I don't want to live my life the way i did before. I don't want to get into that cycle of being "me focused". The only way i can do that is to be talking to God often and in his word... getting that assurance from him... just like Abraham. 

We also talked about laying down and leaving behind our expectations and past experiences as we journey on to our new place with God, but also using the skills and tools he has provided us with to be more effective for him. Its hard to lay down the past in order to be free in my future, but today i am. Its amazing. 

Also yesterday we went and visit this group of modern day monk living in london. they were described to us as "a group of celibate men". let me just say, going into it i really didn't feel good about it. It was a little intimidating. Once we got there it was a little weird during the beginning because they were explaining the vows they have taken and the covenant they are under. It was very intense to say the least. As the evening went on it was fine tho. we had dinner and pudding and had a big time to chat with them. There is something really special about a person just letting go of the desires for marriage and family and devoting themselves to God. Its hard to explain, but it was really good. We got to do evening prayer with them as well. It was really cool to go into this prayer room and sing out these psalms of prayer with a group of people who live and breath devotion to God. I was really inspired by their devotion. I don't think i could ever take on that intense vow, but i definitely can learn a lot for them during this time that i am single. Choosing to be more focused on God then on the game of dating really is quite freeing! Anyways by the end of it all it was good to see how a group of people are living out their devotion to God, even if it is not the way God has called me to live. well i should go. my new place doesn't have internet as of yet so i may not be able to check my e-mail/ blog for a few days... but i am really pushing to have it. so please pray for that! ha ha love you all