self relocation project: take 1

Posted by Teen Bean

so despite my efforts, my time in England has come to an end. Thursday came with every warning possible. to be fair i stayed my last night at hannah lawtons and she and i stayed up until the sun started to rise... as if to fight back the arrival of the day by merely refusing to invite her in normally! (sadly i didn't work!). Thursday came, the last boxes were packed, good byes were tearfully exchanged, and i soon found myself sitting on a plane ready for take off. 

there is something final about sitting on a plane; it seemed to yell "its finished' with every snapping shut of the over head cabinets. Everyone just sat there, face my future with out a care in the world with what it was doing to my heart. I actually had to grit my teeth and mental tell myself not to rush off the plane.

8 hours later i arrive in Chicago. there is something about ending a journey you never wanted to begin that just saps loads of energy from you, but thank God for a family with bright smiles and eager hugs. my parents and two sisters collected me from the airport. Still the same it was a rough night. I was hurting loads and sadly found myself giving into some really bitter and negative thinking. I struggled settling and assumed that I no longer had an identity in this new place i found myself. I didn't feel like a daughter, a sister, an American, a newly graduated transit student... i just felt lost and completely alone. Morning came and if physical clouds could indicate the ability for new light to be shed on a situation, then i was freaking staring at a black sky. In self pity i dwelled in my misfortune and had no clue what God was thinking. 

unsure of what i should do i decided to do what i would have done back in the 'promise land'... so i went for a prayer walk. the moment i left my house i started my pity talk with God. "why did you drag me away from what i love? no one wants me here. i don't fit in with my family. they don't understand me. no one understands me. I'm alone. this isn't going to work. you didn't see this did you? What am i going to do?" i hated that i was being so selfish, but i figured if God had just listened to me in the first place and let me stay in England, things would be so much better right now. selfishly i said "God i need to know some way how this is going to work... the mess of life and my place in my family and my call for this summer" 

i walked two blocks... two blocks... and i randomly ran into my great uncle kyle. Let me tell you, i don't know my uncle kyle that well... a few random holiday's here and there, but that would be it. So tell me, tell me how this happens... before a min goes by we are talking about how powerful prayer is. He is telling me how prayer chances everything. He pours out how we have to love people by serving, how he is determined to pray (enough so that he spends 30 years praying for his son to have transformation of heart and 4 years ago he got to witness that transformation), he tells me how loving people is about building relationships and drawing along side them no matter where they are at. I'm flippin blown away and thank him so much for living a life so courageously for Christ. he tells me the story isn't done yet and asks if i have time to hear it.... at this point my blood is pumping and my soul is stirring in one of those great ways when you know God is ready to speak to your heart... i tell him i have time.

he then tells me a great story of generations pasts. How my great great grandfather used to be the local pastor in our community. My uncle Kyle had been tracking down info on the family history and found out that this relative of mine, used to gather with other church leaders of that time.... great people like john wesley and have these huge prayer meetings. With tears in his eyes my great uncle explained to me how these church leaders felt a huge responsibility to pray for their future generations to come... to pray that they would have deeply personal and impacting moments with our great God. My great uncle kyle looks at me with more love and passion and encouragement, and continues to explain to me that our family history is woven into the foundation of the church. With eyes still on me, he tells me how, we as the following generations, have a great call on our lives and that God is going to stay true to his promises. 

My great uncle kyle challenged me right then and there, on the streets of the small town i was born in, to live up to the dedication my family history shows we have for building the church. He stirred the passion of my soul to continue in this legacy of praying for the the future generations to come. It reminded me how important my family is and how much many of them have and do live constantly in this call to be the church. As we talked, our conversation poured the light of understanding in my life and i realized how much of a place i have in my family and how God is going to use the power and position i have in my family to answer the prayers of the faithful men and women of the past. He also confirmed in me that indeed i was going through a self relocation process... one that included me taking me, and my selfish attitude, out of the center of life and putting Christ back where he belongs. 

As we parted ways, i gave God all the praise for loving me enough to confirmed it through family that i am loved, and wanted; planned, and purposed. I might be a fish out of water, but lucky for me I've got a God whom rivers of running life flow and i know there's enough on tap for even the driest of life situations...

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 4, 2009 at Saturday, July 04, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


You're making me all weepy at the breakfast table...

July 4, 2009 at 9:26 AM

You sure are wanted!!! Everywhere you go!
love ya and miss ya, and mostly hope to see you soon!

July 4, 2009 at 11:47 AM

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