its been a month of death for me.

earlier this month i heard, from a childhood friend, how her serious boyfriend of two years struggles with colon cancer. She told me over a heartbreaking facebook message how she wouldn't change anything for the world. How her boyfriend helped her heart feel in ways she never knew it could. and how she doesn't regret a moment. He just started a new treatment of chemo and if it doesn't work (which they are ready for it not to) he will be dead by spring.

A little later this month i heard about a couple from my work and few other couples that had been married for forever that were all separating and more then likely going to divorce. I struggled more with seeing things that were once so alive, start to fad and die.

today death hit closer to home then it ever has. one of my close classmates, who recently got engaged and was planning an april wedding, found out today that her fiance died in his sleep last night. It makes no sense, and the sting of death has my heart flinching in pain for her. Death is consuming and so final. It just happens. My heart hurts right now, for lost lives and lost loves. For hurting so much that words don't matter and silence that just stings. For tears that are combinations of hatred and sympathy, anger and thanksgiving, confusion and faith.

I didn't like this day. i've come to hate death. and its hard to see God. death makes things well blurry. how do you comfort those that death leaves behind? why do good people have bad things happen... that can't be okay!!