Can you blieve it but Steve and I have been living in our First Home for 19 months. I remember when I migrated over to Enlgand 20 months ago to marry steve. Within the first day of being here Steve walked me over to our little flat. He of course had sent me gobs of photos and epic facebook messages describing our first little "flat" (ooo "flat" how english and adorable!), but it was absolutely amazing to walk into our little flat and be thinking "I'm going to live every day here with my best friend, I'm going to be a wife here, GREAT memories are going to happen here!"...

Steve had bought us a few bits of life furniture, a bed and a kitchen side trolly, besides that it was completely empty.... I walked in and he had a card, flowers and a bottle of wine all by the bed... I knew life was going to be amazing. And it has been. Our start here in England has been epic.

Whenever we stop and think about what we have gotten to do here I am like "Damn, life is big and I love being in the thick of it".

A few months after we moved in I finally convinced steve to nail up all these pictures we had of ourselves from our wedding (it possibly boardered on creepy self shrine, but we were too in love to care so we got away with it!). After he 'ruined' the wall with all those damaging and deposit risking nail holes (his words not mine!), he decided to turn the surrounding walls into a bit of a memory wall. Before either of us knew it our little wall of memories has grown into this massive mural of happiness.

Invites to parties, poetry events, poster from friends who had visted winston church hill war museum, maps from our charleston mini american vacation, receipts from ordering food in kosovo, my graduation cap, movie ticket stubs, house concert invites, more poetry events, my kate nash poster that asked steve to marry me on it, music festival tickets, towie tour tout... Whenever we did something we loved we tried to bring back a bit of memorabilia that could be stuck up on our wall. Secretly it was my favorite part of our nest.

This week it came down.

It only took 20 min and now it's blank again.

I didn't help take it down. But watching it come down had to be one of my least favorite moments.

I love our life. Its been so good. What garentee do I have that we wont leave the good behind? That what we had was as good as it gets?

The next day I walked by that same wall. That same blank wall that had me the day before being bitchy and moody because I struggle with change and hold on to things to tightly and possibly have unhealthy love attachements to inaimate object and at the end of the day still regularly pinch myself becaue I can't believe that Steve fell in love with me and that we are getting to live out a real life happily ever after ****deep breath in**** AND I was excited.

I AM excited... for a new wall. For the promise of a furutre. For the chance to do more! To do different! To fill a new empty until it is over flowing and frost my new life with a similar joy! The beauty of life is not that I capture a bit of it and hold it so tight that it never changes, but that I grab on to this wild, uncontrolled forces that pulls me and keeps pulling me forward (and possibly up!?!). All I have to do is hold on and enjoy the ride.

Sometimes it's messy, sometimes it's unexpected, sometimes it's hell'ava lot harder than I anticipated. But I have definiately learned that God certainly does work all things together for good of those who love him and listen to Him calling and asking to do life with Him.

And now we are getting ready to move into another unknow. A beautiful neighbour named Tracy has invited Steve and I to come live with her for the next 6 months. She lives just across the square from where we are now. She has such a lovely soul.  We went to her house today and started measuring the room and talking through how we are going to move our things in. Tracy is quality. She has put up hooks for us, bought a spare freezer and is even letting us store all our over flow crap in her garage.

It will be a new adventure for us all. Steve and I are excited to investigate what living with someone else as a married couple is like and Tracy is preping for having more 'noise' around her! We don't know how it will go, but the uncertainty of it almost makes it more awesome. Change or not here we come!

But even in these moments of being really excited to move on I still find a bit of me holding on to our first little nest. The perfect patch for two. Out Lawton Mafia Hideout. I don't want to let go and at the same time I am ready to jump.

So, if you see me at the end of this week standing on an empty staircase at number 12 Memnon Court looking up and possibly hiding a tear or two just remind me that the memories of the past are just the beginng and for God's sake never forget to keep looking up!