does anyone really know what it means to respect agriculture? in my community development course we are hitting this section on environment, agriculture and how that effects our world. I am quite surprised that it has up set me so to think of agriculture being disrespected. Of all the development processes, political, economic, spiritual... i find it shocking that my hearts strings would be so vigorously strummed at the thought of working through developing agriculture.

After ranting for a good on hour to my boyfriend about how our society fails to understand and respect the environment i find myself desperately interested in "going green" and working toward being "self-sufficient". it scares me loads... as i find it hard to take the garbage 10 steps to the bin or even struggle with recycling... but as a very wise soul said to me "prehaps we should start small!" and so small i think i shall start... more attention will be payed to the following

1. Recycling

2. Unplugging electronics!

3. reading labels and buying good foods

4. investigating in getting a pet pig

i'm thinking the most inspirational speech about this desire come from my very simple youtube introduction to the "The Good Life"... and the following quote of Mrs. Good "oh i didn't get up at all... i'm still dreaming"... a life of simplicity... a life of good... a life of dreams!?!? not if i can help it...

I'M CHASING THE GOOD LIFE!

I got to thinking today... what if people had to take an oath before they were allowed to practice whatever form of higher education or training they went through? what if every business man, lawyer, teacher, professional athlete, missionary, musician, plumber, DJ, nurse, photographer, sunday school teacher, engineer, judge, volunteer, carpenter, social worker, politician, comedian, banker, police officer, counselor, scientist... who ever... what if each one had to stand before their peers and take an oath before they were allowed practice what they have learned... like the Hippocratic Oath that doctors take before they practice medicine. would it change our world to make people realize the extreme blessing they have as being among the educated elite? would it push them to be more responsible with what they have learned? would our world be a better place?

Go ahead... consider what you do... or what you want to do... then read through the hippocratic oath and insert your job title and duties where it mentions physicians and who they serve...

it changed my attitude at work loads!

The Hippocratic Oath (Modern Version)
I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.
I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.
I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.
I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.
I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.
I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.
If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

I went to target today... and i remembered how much i love that store... does anyone else get so fuzzy happy when they go into a target!?!? i think possibly i could be in love with them!

then as i was leaving said target... i got a wiff of "dept. store" smell... a combination of the perfumes, detergents, and open cafe... it straight away took me back to my first ever job working as a "back stock girl" at Shopko a la Dixon... ahh my best friend and sister were also a part of this job and we just had the best time ever unloading stock from semi's, working faster and better then the boys, and winning small candy bars for our efforts!

best memory: "working truck with Coral and Whitney and Jen Pratt" we kicked butt!

wow the memories smell can recall! amazing!

have you ever just been living life thinking and feeling one age and then in one moment you are catapulted into this reality that the age you thought and felt you are, was soo 10 years ago!?!?

i was watching the bachelor all bedazzled by these women falling for the same guy... as they shot from woman to woman, i was just memorized by the capability, success, and down right grown upness of each of these women... because in one shocking moment i realized that i was older then half of them... what?!!?!

when did that happen... when did the "Adults" on T.V. become my peers... and in loads of cases younger then me? why don't i feel more grown up? I remember being young and thinking of my age now... 26 years old.. damn i knew that the person i would be at that old age would have it all together. the me of sixteen could have painted a pretty detailed picture of what the me at 26 would be... and in that picture i never knew i would still feel so close to being sixteen...

I also thought that the world would be so much more free at 26... i didn't realize that the freest days i lived were the ones that i felt the most caged. oh the twist of irony! haha but really wow, i also didn't know life could be so good either.

back at sixteen love was just a boy to hold hands with, now he's a man to go on a whole life's journey with. back then work was a key to instant riches, now its a means to my very existence. And God was just rules that i had to conform to, now He's my constant forever go to. Back then family was something i had to escape from, now family is the place i get my safety from. back then it was all about being older, now it all about being a bit bolder. then i didn't know the half of me, now i know too much of me. then??? now???

ahhh that place of sixteen... ah this place of twenty-six... who new it'd be so normal?? who knew normal was so good?? who knew growing up was letting go of the idea that when you were "grown up you would have it all" and recognizing when you were young you actually had it all!?? who knew growing up was just getting on? who knew growing up... living the dream is incredible in it every-day- i- can't-handle-yet- i'm-handling- this-ness??

and all i can say is

haha if i'm going to not disappoint the me at sixteen then i have but one thing to accomplish as an "adults"... one finally stroke to add to my painting...

I NEED TO SEE THE EFFLE TOWER!!!! (i promised myself at sixteen i would tour through france one day... and hell i can't let me down now!)

ahhh papers written, schedules met, packages mailed, prayers said, partying completed, drinks had... a good end to the week and start to this weekend. I was a bit sad that Love day was coming and i could not spend it with my favorite love... but i figured enough of letting the big world get ya down... i think that if I stop waiting around to make life big and flashy, and just recognize what i can handle... accept my simple self and abilities, and then just make the effing most of it!

over this week i have had such a fabulous time having a life. you know, not wasting my days checking my same boring e-mail or facebook for the 100th time to have zero activity, or wasting my evenings away youtubing it up, or lazily making myself obnoxiously bad food, calling it dinner, and then leaving a hurricane of dishes and crumbs (ok that last one still happened, but it was b/c i was busy and not lazy that the crumbs and dishes stacked up!)

I walked in the door tonight (well this early a.m.) ... with a few hours to straighten my apt... plan my Love Dinner... and sort my schedule and i just thought... "woah I lived this week" and not just any sort of living, but like answer to prayer living!! I connected with God loads, not in a super extreme high sort of way... or in a "wow i'm so low right now sort of way"... but in an intimate and comfortable relationship sort- of way. the kind of way that makes you be honest, even when it hard. The kind of way that makes you really appreciate that the other person stuck around even when you were being boring, or distracted, or over the top and clingy... its like i've finally gone steady with God... relationship heavy, simple, steady!

Then i just lived. I spend time with some old room mates, got involved in a prayer night, skpe prayed with good friends and my boyfriend, loved on some people, let some people love on me. Loved God steady on. Learned at school, learned at work, learned at life... went to a community dinner with my friends... did i mention i didn't plan any of these thing!?!?

I'm completely out of control of my life, and for the first time... in a long time... i've looked back at my week and been proud of how i lived and what happened....

And whats more i get to have a Love Dinner at my apt.

I've been wanting to have a "Communion 2.0" style-event for forever... just making communion more Jesus focused, more relevant, more real... tomorrow i have like, who know how many people, coming round my... simply bringing either a bottle of wine, a loaf of bread, or a bit of cheese. we are going to spend a bit of the Valentine Holiday loving on each other, sharing stories of how we fell in love with Jesus, or how we have fallen more in love with Jesus, or hear how Jesus has recently loved on us... all while breaking some bread... havin some wine... and simply being together...

hmm i should have gone out of control a while ago... damn scary... but much better.... normal as hell but right as kingdom!


p.s. i just had to put a happy love day photo of me and stevie up... because i love him so much and it Valentines day... Love you HUNNY!!!!!!!!!!

today... there are exactly 60 days until i go to the airport and pick up steve lawton from the airport... and yet i am expected to stay focused and get my school work done... hmmmm love is hard!

how in the world can you justify writing someone a $175 dollar ticket for using a ramp called an "carpool only ramp"!! Not only that but when i asked the officer why i was not just being giving a warning for this... obviously i just moved to the state and didn't recognize that they could designated ramps for "carpoolers only!"... his response was ... "this is the most violated ramp... everyone does it, so i am just writing tickets today"

there for i am being punished $175 dollars worth for the reality that "everyone else" violates this law on a regular bases... regardless of how many times i have actually violated this ramp (i think i have used this ramp like 3 time) ... i take the sins of every carpool ramp violater!!!!!!!!!!

no! HELL NO!!

what does it say on the back of my ticket Mitigation Hearing... here i came... i am not paying this... please! no!!!!

pffff "carpool only ramp" freaking ridiculous!!

so i know this is going to sound sooo sad. but i was watching "The Hills" the other day (such a guilty pleasure of mine) and i was just wondering, like what if people just really don't care about any of the things I care about...

and not in a mean "i'm out to make the world a shittier place" sort of way... but just in a "i don't have a clue... almost innocent" sort of way

these guys and girls that are on this show are not bad people, the reality is that they are totally relatable (in a really "i have way to much money" sorta of way) and as I watched them party it up in Hollywood's finest, i was like "they really never even consider life besides the life they are living"

I doubt any of them would be interested in knowing the turmoil or poverty that riddles africa, or that America has a serious sex trafficking issue, or that more then ever there is a monstrous gap between the worlds rich and the worlds poor.

I don't mean this in any way as a slam to them, but I realized that if you asked any of them what they thought of words like "Justice, Development, Sustainability, Peace, Globalization, or Community" they would mostly struggle ... if they even cared enough to try... to define them.


What are we doing to help people who's worlds are so far removed from the devastating realities of our world "snap back to reality"?

For people who's world are wrapped up in designer bags, hot night clubs, stirring up drama, dating bad boys, and working for fashion companies, and taking random vacation to Hawaii... are there even any out lets for them to try? I'm serious!! for them to survive that world they have to be completely absorbed in that life... i was shocked to realize the commitment they all make... I often time looked at "those people" as just the uncommitted lazy pampered elite upper class... but i just thought the other day... how many times do they even brush up against the truth? how often is it presented to them in a way that would let them baby step in and include a bit of truth in their lives?

When you've got girls that are spending thousands of dollars on hand bags... making them plunge into an activist role just isn't very likely!

but these people have influence, these people have power, these people have money...

My life is short and i think to myself "i want to make the greatest impact while i am here"... what if i stopped trying to help the poor by serving the poor... and what if i started helping the poor by serving the rich? what would that look like!?!?